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Old 03-29-2007, 05:55 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maymybonneliveforever
The drunk replied, "because you're ugly!"
OMG!! thanks for the tears!!!!!!!!!!

i printed that and showed it to EVERYONE at work... lots of laughs
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Old 04-05-2007, 01:34 PM   #42
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Sometimes people don't take the time to say...Thank You!


Subject: Dear Tide

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by
yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:45 AM   #43
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Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.

*The first surgeon says:
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

*The second responds:
"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

*The third surgeon says:
"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

*The fourth surgeon chimes in:
"You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

*But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There'* no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the *** are interchangeable."
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:46 AM   #44
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says,
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Old 04-20-2007, 11:02 AM   #45
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Here is the same joke but a different version:

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table
to pick them up, he noticed Bob'* wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and
emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob'* wife followed and asked,
"Did you see anything that you like under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, Jim courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said,
" Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer,
Jim confirms that he is interested.

She tells him that since her husband, Bob, works Friday afternoons and Jim doesn't,
Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around,
Jim showed up at Bob'* house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of
$500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house,
asked his wife abruptly. "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes
this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he
give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering
her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. Jim came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
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Old 04-20-2007, 11:13 AM   #46
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wow, well thought out plan there...
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Old 04-20-2007, 11:19 AM   #47
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That'* pretty funny right there. Never hears that one. Gonna have to share that.
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