It's funny joke Thursday!
03-08-2007, 12:39 PM
#25
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it'* like an addiction... sorry for ruining the funny!
1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He'* all right now.
4. The roundest knight at King Arthur'* round table was Sir Cumference.
5. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
7. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
8. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
9. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
10. A thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement became a hardened criminal.
11. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
12. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
13. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
14. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground
15. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
16. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
17. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
18. What'* the definition of a will? (It'* a dead giveaway)
19. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
20. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
21. A backward poet writes inverse
22. In a democracy, it'* your vote that counts; in feudalism, it'* your Count that votes.
23. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
24. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
25. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress
26. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
27. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds .
28. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
29. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
30. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
31. A calendar'* days are numbered.
32. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
33. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
34. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
35. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
36. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
37. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
38. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
39. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
40. Santa'* helpers are subordinate clauses.
41. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He'* all right now.
4. The roundest knight at King Arthur'* round table was Sir Cumference.
5. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
7. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
8. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
9. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
10. A thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement became a hardened criminal.
11. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
12. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
13. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
14. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground
15. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
16. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
17. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
18. What'* the definition of a will? (It'* a dead giveaway)
19. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
20. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
21. A backward poet writes inverse
22. In a democracy, it'* your vote that counts; in feudalism, it'* your Count that votes.
23. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
24. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
25. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress
26. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
27. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds .
28. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
29. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
30. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
31. A calendar'* days are numbered.
32. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
33. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
34. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
35. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
36. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
37. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
38. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
39. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
40. Santa'* helpers are subordinate clauses.
41. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
03-15-2007, 02:54 PM
#28
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Location: Brampton, Ontario
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The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male *****. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the ***** will now be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows:
10 - 12" Luxury Tax $300.00
8 - 10" Pole Tax $250.00
5 - 8" Privilege Tax $150.00
3 - 5" Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the ***** will now be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows:
10 - 12" Luxury Tax $300.00
8 - 10" Pole Tax $250.00
5 - 8" Privilege Tax $150.00
3 - 5" Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION
03-15-2007, 03:10 PM
#29
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Certified GM nut
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Location: Yuma, AZ.
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I got one.
There were 3 mexicans standing at the Pearly gates.
So saint Paul comes up to the gates and asks "what can I do for you?"
The 3 mexicans say we want in.
Saind paul says" okay let me ask the lord if he will let you in"
So saint paul goes to the Lord and says "Lord, there are 3 mexicans at the Pearly gates, should we let them in?
The Lord "says yeah sure we dont discriminate here"
So saint paul goes back to the gates and they are Gone!
Saint paul goes back to the Lord and says" Lord there gone!"
The Lord Says "who the mexicans"
Saint Paul says "no the Pearly gates!"
There were 3 mexicans standing at the Pearly gates.
So saint Paul comes up to the gates and asks "what can I do for you?"
The 3 mexicans say we want in.
Saind paul says" okay let me ask the lord if he will let you in"
So saint paul goes to the Lord and says "Lord, there are 3 mexicans at the Pearly gates, should we let them in?
The Lord "says yeah sure we dont discriminate here"
So saint paul goes back to the gates and they are Gone!
Saint paul goes back to the Lord and says" Lord there gone!"
The Lord Says "who the mexicans"
Saint Paul says "no the Pearly gates!"