A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."

Why did the principal fire the cross-eyed teacher?

Because he couldn't control his pupils.

A duck walks into a convenience store and asks
"Do you have any dcuk food?"
The owner says "No."
The next day the duck comes back and asks,
"Do you have any duck food?"
The onwer says "No - and don't come back here."
The next day the duck comes back and asks,
"Do you have any duck food?"
The owner get'* pretty mad and says, "No - I've told you three times that we don't have any duck food. Now if you show up here again asking for duck food, I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor!"
The next day the duck shows up again and asks,
"Do you have any nails?"
The owner says, "No."
Then the duck asks,
"Do you have any Duck food?"

Why can't the seagull fly over the bay?

Because then it would be a bagel.

A priest, a horse, and a duck all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this? A joke?

Did you hear about the farmer whose wife had left him?

He found out in a John Deere letter.

(Here'* an ESPECIALLY lame one...)

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the theater, followed by drinks.

They talk, they laugh; she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap… and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed. Everything had been incredible. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No, she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

A man with a wooden eye walks into a night club. He stands in the corner looking for a pretty young lady to ask to dance.

Suddenly, he spots a knock-out across the room. As he begins to make his way over to her, he notices that she has a hairlip. He is immediately turned off, but doesn't want to disappoint the young lady because she already noticed him walking her way.

As he finally approaches her, he says "Wouldn't you like to dance?"

In her excitement, the lady screams out, "Wouldn't I?!? Wouldn't I?!?!"

Appalled, the man points and yells back "Hairlip!! Hairlip!!"

what do you know when you find bones on the moon?

the cow didnt make it