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Old 06-04-2006, 03:56 AM   #21
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Thanks for all the good advice people.

Ground her. That'* a good one.....and just how would you propose to do that? Can't lock her up. She comes and goes as she pleases at any hour. Uses windows to sneak out. I have all the window barred to keep her from breaking in when we are not home. I could never trust her alone at home.

One time we had to go away for a night. She was supposed to spend the night at a friends but instead snuck into the house with her boyfriend and partied all night. I found the nudie pics to prove it.

She has been expelled from school....all of Grade 10....been arrested for theft and fighting.
Even stole money from the Church collection box after reading the gospel at Mass.
One nasty tough cookie. I don't understand because we certainly didn't raise her that way.
She attended Catholic primary school and we are devout RC.

Her 16 year old brother is totally the opposite. A good boy who is getting straight A'* and is relatively obedient, and never steals.

As soon as I found out about the theft she was banned from ALL computer activity indefinitely.
She is also banned from driving so has no chance of even getting her license....she has her appointment for her second test next week (failed her first one cause she was never home long enough to practice).
We drive her to work or she walks. It'* only 1/2 hr away.

She works at Dairy Queen...two months now, and will be paying me back for all the items she stole. I have them all hidden away.....except she wore the $500 gown to grad. Took her stereo too.

Unfortuneatly she needs her cell phone for work and is on our family plan. Last month she used 2300 minutes compared to 200 minutes for me and wife but has paid me the extra $200 for text messaging 1500 times in one month.

Kicking her out. As I said, we have done that over a year ago. Yes, all clothes in the driveway and rekeyed the door. She kicked the door in and we called the police. Moved in with her boyfriend for two months. We ignored her, even thru Christmas, it almost killed us. She came sobbing back swearing to change her ways.

She was fine after that for a year but now seems to be slowly slipped back to her old ways.

She is not 18 until next week. Things will have to change.
I have collected all the clothes she has thown on the floor, bagged them and told her I will take them to the salvation army box unless she pays me $1 for each item.

We have told her she will be OUT for good if not.

What else can we do
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Old 06-04-2006, 04:05 AM   #22
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Paul, you need to see what she has put you through. This is uncalled for. You need to crack the whip HARD and get her into shape before it'* too late. She will not learn if someone does not put there foot down. It'* just not the wayt the real world works.

My parents would have beaten me to a pulp if I had EVER done a 1/4 of what she has done.

It is hard to tell a child no, but you HAVE to! Take away EVERYTHING! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING Paul. Computer, Phone, TV, Car Keys, EVERYTHING! You essentally have to re-start from the begining and make her EARN that stuff back, and it'll take a while. This summer will be perfect for this. And make sure Laura is with you 100%, if one of you fail to do this, then there'* no point.

Paul, if you want any pointers I'd be willing to talk to ya over the phone. Just remember, you are doing this for her sake and better well being.
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Old 06-04-2006, 04:19 AM   #23
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I'm working on it John.
Can't beat children...or adults. The last time we tried that was three years ago. She called Social Services on us and almost had us thrown in jail. That was when we first threw her out on the advice from our Priest.

I have taken everything possible away.
Can't take away the TV....I need to watch that....and the phone she needs for work so she can pay me back but she knows if she doesn't pay the extra phone charges she will lose that also.
She has a trust account that she can't access and I'll take the money either way.

I haven't given her a cent since Christmas and she didn't get anything from me for Grad and for her Birthday next week.
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Old 06-04-2006, 04:22 AM   #24
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Dear...God....i have never heard of any kid that is that disobedient. I would never even DREAM of stealing from my parents. I cannot say that I am the best in school, but I CERTAINLY would never attempt any of that. Like all have said in this thread. Punsihment, period. I understand that you have attempted alot before, but you don't seem to be sticking to it. I really cannot understand where anyone could become that messed up! Wow, scary. Anyways, hope everything works out.
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Old 06-04-2006, 06:45 AM   #25
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hmmm i here a good hearted painfully realistic thing to do.... so she will turn 18 next week..... on her birthday she will want to go out... say no and that you want her to stay in and have dinner with her... she will most likely freak out and go out anyways... so heres what you do:

go by police tape (or something like caution tape), tape off your doors to get into the house, find someone that has a police car (or just a plain old crown vic), park the car in the the drive way blocking cars from coming in or out, have a hearse present (parked in the street), wait for her to come home a whatever time she gets there, let her take it all in. watch from a neibors yard or somewhere she wouldnt just see you.

she will see all that and go OMG!!!! i think the shock of seeing what looks like police, police tape and a hearse will snap her outta her rebelious state of mind. this is a extreme approch but it could work. oh yea i would let your neighbors know what is going on so it doesnt freak them out too!
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Old 06-04-2006, 09:01 AM   #26
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Wow. sounds like my son but the male version and minus the tattoos and piercings.


I have two words:


BOOT CAMP



My son is about a half a foot in already. Im trying counseling first.
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Old 06-04-2006, 09:07 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2000SilverBullet
Thanks for all the good advice people.
Buddy, I feel for ya.

My wife and I are both 40 (and celebrating our 16 year Anniv. today.) My daughter is 13 going on 20. Smart in most ways, dumb as a post in others (such as taking school seriously, being truthfull, understanding the consequences of ones actions, etc..sounds familliar?) Not sure what I'm going to do with her when she really starts rebelling. Right at the moment, I'm sortta ahead of the fight...if I berate her enough, I can get her to obey and do what is in her own best interest.

There'* just something about teenagers. Kids think they got it all figured out and just don't know how wrong they are. (Got another amusing story involving my ex girlfriend from 20 years ago. She'* the one in Nebraska I was asking the forum about tires for her Chevy Lumina..on second thought, I'll hold that story for later)

If things get as bad with my daughter as with your daughter, I'll probably follow the example a friend of mine did with their 17 year old daughter. Emancipate her. (Florida law can make a child as young as 16 into a legal adult) Then put her out on her own. The way he phrased it to her was "You can stay if you want, but you will contribute to this household financially, otherwise, you are gone and good luck to you."

Didn't work at first, I remember him getting the call at work to bail her out of jail, which he DID NOT do. Tore him up to do it. But, after about two years, she eventually wised up to what a stupid **** she had been and started being a responsible citizen. Yeah, she trashed her short term future, but she did it by her own hand.
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Old 06-04-2006, 09:29 AM   #28
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Quote:
If things get as bad with my daughter as with your daughter, I'll probably follow the example a friend of mine did with their 17 year old daughter. Emancipate her. (Florida law can make a child as young as 16 into a legal adult) Then put her out on her own.

It all depends on the person. When I was 17 my mother threw me out of the house because I would always come home drunk or high from smoking pot. She used to pick fights with me while in my stage of stupidness and I would fight with her all the time. She wanted me to stay away from the friends that I would go drinking with and I rebelled, she tossed me out on my ***.

well after sleeping in my car for a week, I felt worthless. I had nowhere to go no one to really talk to and all of the friends I so called had couldnt take me in. I felt like I could do anything since I had nothing to lose. I finally ended up staying at this kids house and got into some heavier drugs because I felt like who cares? I have nothing to lose why not?

Did that for about 3 months until I got my crap together left and rented a room and then straightened out my act by myself.

Im just saying this because when you pose that kind of thing on someone its a hard hit reality and then after reality sets in, rebellion comes later and the nasty stuff happens. things can spiral out of control quickly. Take it form someone who knows.

Just stand by her and get her help or change some rules and heavily enforce them.

If I was to write about the problems I have with my son which are allot, I would be writing for days. I have my own struglle with my ADHD, Depressed, Post traumatic Stressed son. I started with counseling. he is taking Aderall for ADHD, and Prozac for depression. Boot Camp is next should this not work.
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Old 06-04-2006, 10:14 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BLACK94SSEi
Did that for about 3 months until I got my crap together left and rented a room and then straightened out my act by myself.
That'* exactly my point. You figured it out on your own (BTW, glad to hear it, I went through a stretch of self destructive behavior of my own years ago. I think we learn the most from the hardest lessons. I know I did.)

I guess it goes to the adage "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink" You can't force them to do anything. All you can do is try to reason with them and hope it sinks in. Sooner or later they gotta get booted out of the nest to fly or fall flat on their beaks. The choice is theirs.

Personally, I would not dump the kids stuff on the driveway and change the locks. To me that'* a weak play. I would calmly demand the kid turn in the keys and request they carry the stuff to the door on their own. If they refuse, then I would remove the stuff from the house right in front of them. That way, they know the party is over, but have the option of capitulating to your terms of surrender. Anyway you slice it, once that point is reached, there'* no backing down. If nothing else, they might just get the thought that you really mean what you say.

I was fortunate in that my departure from home was not by force. When the time came, I turned in the keys, invited my folks to *my* apartment for dinner, and went on my way. Went back to visit when I wanted to or was invited. Never *had* to go back, even when I screwed myself up.
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Old 06-04-2006, 10:25 AM   #30
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what kind of interests does she have(other than the bad stuff)?
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