i'm 20, i'll admit i was a crappy son during high school, altho i wasnt stealing my parents money or anything. all i can say is discipline discipline discipline. my parents always spoiled me and i was never punished for anything, i ended up decent but i was definitely not the best way to raise someone, she may hate you for it but i think that tough love is the best way to raise good people. dont forget, as much as we like to think of ourselves as the best species aorund, people are still animals, and if you have a pet thats misbehaving, doing nothing just enforces the action in it'* head, altho at 18 it may be a bit late to revamp the way you interact with her, but at the very least, make it damn clear that your pissed, i don't wanna make any suggestions because i dont know her or what she responds to but tihnk of something, is her immediate pleasure more important than the rest of her life? and definitely get her to stop stealing, if she steals ur stuff, she may steal other peoples stuff and could one day get arrested

And I'll add... she may hate you now for what you might do or how you might punish her, but eventually she'll see and come around...

I'm no parent and I’m only 19 myself but you said she has a job that pays minimum wage. You should make her pay for her stuff around the house charge rent and let her see how much she will have to work just to take care of what’* needed. Basically let her see for herself that if she says on the same path screwing around it will go nowhere and how hard she will have to work just to pay the bills then she my be able to appreciate how a decent education can pay off. Given that schools out now I’m sure there will be plenty of time to work.

Ed

I'm graduating from HS tomorrow and I certainly understand how you feel very embarassed, I would be too. Basically, what i would do is (if she has a car) sell her car and keep the money for yourself as a punishment, then resell the stuff that she got from ebay if you haven't done so, make her work and pay rent, give her a look at what real life is. You mentioned that she'* 18 right?

My solution and it'* a rude awakening which I think your daughter needs (I'm not trying to be mean okay? I know you tried real hard) is to kick her out period.

She is obviously out of control. times for some tough love I guess. My brother was the same way when we grew up and my mom still stood by him. Well now he is basically a 28 year old bum and blames everybody but himself for his life choices. You just have to deale with it and when she turns 18 seeya. Harsh I know


Good luck and btw....no I would not go.

You're going to have to take a stand as this **** isn't going to get better on it'* own. If you feel so bold, seek family counceling of some sort. You may have to evict her(she'* 18, she'* smarter and better than you). Throw her out for a couple weeks if she isn't out already. No family support will maybe help her realize what you are doing for her? I don't know.

Silver Bullet, I can relate to a degree, 24 no kids/no wife but I did have an extermely hard time in school. I got held back 1 year in HS and even after that I still had to take corespondence classes to get my diploma. I did not get offically graduate until April 2002 when the orginal grad date was June 2000. The clicks preps and popularity scene was big thing then and I guess it still is not to metion tv does not help with this issue at all! (IMO)

I do inderstand about the social service thing though. Corpral punishment is a no-no now-a-days. I got my fair share of beatings (believe me ) but I have never been arrested, never been in a back of a cop car, never been in jail. Services go way to far (the child is never wrong) and the parents cannot do a dam thing right. (I compleately agree with you) That'* BS. My dad would get so pissed when some on would come on tv telling america how to raise their kids and then the question of "well how many kids do you have" come up and "actually I don't have any" is the reply. My dad goes right thru the roof. And he is right (IMO)

Good Luck, hopefull all of this is just a phase of her life and hopefully she'll come outta it.

2000SilverBullet

I want to apologize if I am a bit too harsh in my comments. I have lots of experience due to the fact I was raised around lots of my cousins, being a martial arts instructor to kids for over 20 years, being an engineering manager with lots of fresh, out-of-college engineers, being a father to four kids, and also being a youth counselor at my church.

First at all, cut-off all the perks starting with the cell phone, cars and/or any other things to make her life easy. She is 18 years old, therefore, she is technically an adult. Call her game and give ger an ultimatum: get your sh*t together, or you are out the door; PERIOD!!! You have to make her acountable for her actions. I had a parent at church that experienced the same; her daughter stole the credit card and charged $5,000.00 and then took his car and totalled with friends while partying. This is not taking into account a cell phone bill for $500.00 for 3 consecutive months!!! I had the parent call the cops and report both the card and car stolen. She got arrested along with her friends. She got the biggest scare of her life; her friend'* parents got upset with them and did not allow their kids hang out with her anymore; therefore, no friends to hang out with.

Her daughter insulted them and threatened to leave, so, they told her she had two options: get her life straigthen and abide by their rules, then she could stay home; or, hit the road. She tried to tell them she was not leaving, that it was her house and she would do whatever she pleased. Afterwards she left to go to a party, they changed the locks and put all her stuff in the driveway. She came back, started to yell and scream and broke a window trying to get in, so, they called the cops and she got arrested again. SHe was released and tried to move with her grandparents, however, they new better, and only allowed her to stay for two days and they had her leave too.

After moving with a freind for a month, she was kicked out and eventually she retruned home under their conditions; she is now in her 2nd year at a community college doing very well.

In order to do this, you need the support and agreement of the whole family and although it is hard, you will not regret it.

Also, do not attend the graduation; doing so will only mean that you condone and accept her behavior.

If you need to talk, send me a PM. As a youth counselor, I am willing to help you on this matter; you are not alone and you are not the only one experiencing this issue.

I for one, am 17. I'm going to try to be nice with this.

I believe both yes, and no to the graduation attendance.. Yes because it'* her last year with those friends that will more than likely be going off to different colleges.. No because then she'll think **** is allright to do like that. I more/less almost fully agree with the post above mine.

I also think if she has access to a computer, please do password it, and don't let her on for a period of time (i say like a month..) ground her, don't let her out. she can be in the house, and in public with you , but not out on her own. Unhook any/all phone(*) in her room, if she has her own computer, disconnect the internet cord and hide it (or just if you have a modem or DSL or something and it'* a PCI card.. jsut remove the card, she won't know how to install it..)..then ,she has a computer, yes. If she has games, let her play em. my guess, if she'* a teenager in these times like I am, there'll be myspace, and a plethora of sites she goes on that she cannot access without internet. Or, if you don't want her to even see the computer on, just unplug and remove the power cord from the power supply and lock it in your room or put it in the car. If she'* on "lockdown" for a month, more than likely she'll know you mean business.

I however do not agree with the lock-changing and stuff in the driveway.. I'd kill someone if I came home to my **** in the driveway. Then again , I'm not that out of hand (While i'm not saying I'm NOT someone who isn't bad sometimes..) because i act stupid and get into a lot of trouble usually.. my mom did wanna kick me out when I got a cop to come to my house from the next town over regarding theft of two traffic cones from a car wash and them catching me on camera system and my liscense plate on our old suburban beoing on camera which is how they caught me.. i fixed that, and i'm almost done with my 6-month probation period



If she ever asks for gifts, tell her" well you already got em.. "

when she says "huh? i dont get it.." say "eBay.. ran up my (credit card name)'* account.. remember..?"

Then there'* the part: Maybe she just half-assed the stuff, thought she was gonna pass. . The other possibility is that she really was trying, but being a senior and all proves difficult.

I'd punish her by selling all that stuff she bought, unless she gets the employment somewhere to pay you for the stuff she really thinks she needs, or what she wants.
I mean.. You bought.. since y'know, your card.

Don't give in to taking away punishment. Push her until she gets a job to pay for things. Teach her some financial responsibility. I've paid for one of my three cars. Parents covered the suburban which was really theirs, I just put gas and half insurance money on it, even though they only drove it maybe 10 times, if that in the 10 months we owned it (bought it to tow a trailer originally..camper, 25'.. towed wonderfully, didn't feel anything behind us) and the rest of the time, I drove it, and I paid repairs.. I got a job at a grocery store, then got fired, worked at burger king.. and then we ended up buying the truck a few days after I started work at my second job.. I got the first one to pay gas for a social life using my parents cars, and paid a $40 dollar fraction to them once a month to cover me on their insurance policies.. that went toward both their bills, i've got SOME financial responsibility.. but I've learned alot of stuff

I'd then ask her "What happened that it didn't work.. were you screwing off, or trying really hard, but other stuff got in the way? i know it'* your last year in school , but the last usually is most important in regards to your future.. I want the best for you" and be nice about it, she'll more than likely understand.. that'* the same stuff I got from my parents for flunking out on a science class in soph. year, (I'm now a junior..) and I got my **** together and I PASSED that class by about 4 points of 100.. brought it up from an F to a D - .. took alot of work for not alot of grade, but I needed it. Didn't have summer school, but I worked my *** off to get my grade brought up.

Teach her how to do things right.

If she does get a job, and use the car for example, please do call the place of employment and speak with the manager, talk to him directly regarding her schedule, and tell him to call you if she ever leaves early, or doesn't show up and she has the car..

Or, you could do like my mom did for a month after the cone incident occured.. Drive her to work and pick her up. If she is not present when she is supposed to be picked up, lock her out of the house. Put the car keys all somewhere where she won't know where they're at, but you and the misses will .

It is clear she is out of control and needs some rules to be set. She will make you feel like the worst parent ever at first, but she will get over it. I know it can hurt if she starts telling you she hates you, but beleive me, she does not mean it - she is just fed up and confused about her priorities. I am 18 and I am supposed to be graduating this year. Like her, I let my social life completely over take my school work...it does happen somehow. I was more caught up in chasing girls, always hanging out with people, or making money so I could buy and keep driving the Bonneville. I was able to do well in most classes without really doing anything except calculus, which is my only math credit this year. I have less then 2 weeks to get ready for the exam.

Depending on how many credits she didn't receive, I would strongly consider summer school for her. Many of my older friends were whipped into shape by it, and they did really well in the classes. Not only that, but they got caught up with thier peers and were able to attend post-secondary education.

She is doing this because she knows she can get away with it. Your last option is to be a complete hardass. Let her know if she shapes up, she can have the luxuries she once enjoyed back.

For the time being I might also suggest her not having a job. Going to school and working an evening/weekend job distracts ALOT from school work. One of the main reasons I fell behind in alot of my school work is simply because I didn't want to do it after working all evening/weekend. For me there was social life, school, homework, and work. I could only fit 3 of the 4 into the day -- guess which one got the boot.

If you have any specific questions for me just ask. Since I am nearly in the same position (minus the erratic stealing of my parents money) I can probably give some insight.