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Old 05-03-2007, 11:11 AM   #1
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Default Alcohol Warnings

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an ashole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. (now mandatory on all of Gumball'* bottles) :P

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuem, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear".

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:12 AM   #2
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I either have witnessed all or experienced all.

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Old 05-03-2007, 11:54 AM   #3
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We need to combine our lists into one master list (from when I posted this)

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA'* suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the H*** happened to your bra.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your A$$ kicked.

10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Stop stealing my material!!!
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Old 05-03-2007, 12:07 PM   #4
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Can we expand the warnings to Gearhead Cocktail?
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Old 05-03-2007, 02:20 PM   #5
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Here'* the NEBF alcohol warning.....

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable bruises and sore spots on the body from falling down stairs. (now mandatory on all of Gumball'* bottles)
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