1. Tell your wife she is fat. Repeatedly.

2. Purchase two dogs. Trust me. That should do it.

3. Find the biggest guy you can and call him a wuss. Repeatedly.

4. Join a cult.

5. Develop a heroin habit.

6. Become a Scientologist and then go on Oprah and tell everyone about your new relationship. Be sure to bounce around a great deal. Punch the floor if necessary.

7. Become asexual.

8. Become a eunuch.

9. Develop dementia.

10. Grow a second head.

11. Grow a third head. (you must complete the previous suggestion first)

12. Rain repeated blows down upon your skull until you lose your faculty for language.

13. Stop paying taxes.

14. Take up bestiality.

15. Set a goal for yourself and attempt to attain it. Like defying gravity.

My friends have 3 super hyper dogs (labs). They're not married and recently bought a house. I like dogs but when I go over there I realize how nice it is to not have all that responsibility at my age.

My brother has 3 and 4 year old Corgis who both still like to leave 'presents' throughout the house.

#14 wouldn't have to ruin your life. I'm sure there are plenty happy well adjusted sheep farmers out there.