Something to offend everyone
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Posts like a Northstar
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 649
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From: Detroit, MI
Something to offend everyone
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it'* worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is breathing air a lot like sex?
Because it'* no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What'* the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What'* the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What'* the fastest way to a man '* heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What'* the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What'* the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it'* mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What'* the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with.. "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What'* the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****...".
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one'* tall enough to go on the good rides
Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it'* worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is breathing air a lot like sex?
Because it'* no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What'* the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What'* the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What'* the fastest way to a man '* heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What'* the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What'* the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it'* mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What'* the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with.. "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What'* the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****...".
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one'* tall enough to go on the good rides
Senior Member
Certified Car Nut
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 15,408
Likes: 1
From: Robbinsdale, MN
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Originally Posted by Jack
What'* the fastest way to a man '* heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Senior Member
True Car Nut
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 7,965
Likes: 0
From: Right in front of you
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Originally Posted by Jack
What'* the fastest way to a man '* heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Now that is Funny 
Senior Member
True Car Nut
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,030
Likes: 2
From: Central Florida
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Originally Posted by Jack
What'* the fastest way to a man '* heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Senior Member
Posts like a Northstar
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 560
Likes: 1
From: Indianapolis
Re: Something to offend everyone
Originally Posted by Jason1351
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Most women like that kind of relationship you know?
