Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government'* suggestion that the
following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
morning.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.


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***WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, leaving you unable to account for large chunks of
time.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your *** kicked.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.


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WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel
gode