Since the "Open Letter to Metrosexuals" Was a hit...

An Open Letter To Feminine Hygene Companies

OK. Let'* have a pow-wow here.

Could you please, for the love of all things Chuck Norris, stop airing commercials between 6 and 8 p.m.?

That'* when I am sitting on my *** in front of the television trying to eat my dinner. The last thing I was to see is something about the new wings on a pad. Or how amazing your new tampons are. I definitely don't want to hear about douches.

Seriously. Please stop.



An Open Letter To People Who Market Booze To Women

Thanks


An Open Letter To The Guy Who Was Standing Next To Me At The Bar When We Both Noticed The Extremely Hot Chick

Um....dude. Seriously. I heard what you said, and I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

I'm pretty sure the chick heard you, too. Hence the middle finger and that half a lemon she grabbed from behind the bar and hurled at you.

What kind of guy says "I'd suck a fart out of her *******"? Honestly...



An Open Letter To The People Who Insist On Protesting Smoking

Yeah....give it a rest.

If you don't want to smoke...don't. That'* called freedom. It'* neat. Look into it.

Telling other people they shouldn't be allowed to do something because you don't like it...that'* called facism. Very different.

Plus...you annoy me. I'm going to have another smoke and dedicate it to you morons.


An Open Letter To My Abs

Where'd you guys go? Did I fail you in some way? We used to hang out all the time.

I was never embarassed of you. Hell, I showed you off to people for no good reason at all. Actually, I was quite proud of you little guys.

Where did things go wrong?

Was it the excercising? Was it starting to annoy you?

Or was it when I stopped excercising completely and basically fed you fellas a diet of fast food and snickers bars?

I miss you guys.



An Open Letter To My Father

OK....for years I just thought you were wrong all the time.

Then I got married.

Now I feel your pain. Now I understand what it is like to have nobody listen to you, and yet everything is your fault anyway.

My bad.




An Open Letter To The Cement Pole

Hey. What'* wrong with you?

Was there some particular reason you decided to slam into my car?

All I did was have a few drinks and then I headed home. I'm all happy...just driving along...minding my own business. Crash! Boom! Suddenly, there you are lodged into my bumper.

That wasn't cool.

Really!!! I hate those commercials! It is embarrasing to be sitting there with a date and have one of those come on. I don't need to know more info on dry weave absorbency.

One more...

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Squeezes Into Something 5 Sizes To Small

Stop it!

Just because it'* stretchy, and you can force it over those hot air ballons you call hips, does not mean "It fits"

And one more:

Open letter to the guy who thinks he needs Magnum sized condoms!

Don't be embarrassed when you have to buy condoms- get the right size- that way you won't have to roll them up when you try to put them on.

lmao....THAT is the best one yet.....magnum size.....