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Old 12-08-2004, 11:56 AM   #1
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Default Dear Santa letters

Deer SanTa,
I wood like a kool Toy spase rainger for Xmas. Iv bin a gud boy all year.
yore fren, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a damn book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the Space Ranger. At least he'* literate.

Santa
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody.
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please help if you can.

Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad and the babysitter are banging like a screen door in a hurricane. He'* not going to give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his *** constantly. It'* time to give up the dream. Let me get you some nice Lego'* instead.

Santa
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of single malt scotch.

Santa
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps tables. Hey pal, you asked!

Santa
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________________
Dear Santa,
Can you really see us when we're sleeping? Do you really know when we're awake, like it says in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I am skipping your house.
Santa
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't cut it with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________________
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How will you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that'* why you're getting your *** kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a single wide in a low rent RV park. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa
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Old 12-08-2004, 12:02 PM   #2
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Haha superb!
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Old 12-08-2004, 01:29 PM   #3
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Not appropriate for this site (LANGUAGE), so linking istead..... You been warned

http://www.mos95b.com/New/DearSanta.jpg
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Old 12-08-2004, 01:52 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps tables. Hey pal, you asked!

Santa

Mail musta got mixed up..looks like Ron Jeremy answered this one!!!!!!!
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Old 12-08-2004, 08:09 PM   #5
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roflz
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