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Old 12-06-2009, 02:45 PM   #1
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In the men'* bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to **** on our hands.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:48 PM   #2
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I keep telling my wife that, she wont buy it.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:54 PM   #3
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There are so many different variable on this joke...Navy vs. Marine Corp, Firefighters vs. Cops. It'* still great!
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:54 PM   #4
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hahahahaha
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Old 12-06-2009, 04:08 PM   #5
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man thats great. im defonately using that one, thanks for the laugh
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:25 AM   #6
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HAHAHA!!!
Hmmmm. Urine Jokes.
Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nasty nurse came in and said in a patronizing tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"

Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:36 AM   #7
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ROFLMAO!

Great follow up John
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:38 AM   #8
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Heres an older one, but worth the cost of a semi long read:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There'* a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what'* wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:43 AM   #9
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Lol #5
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Old 12-07-2009, 01:05 AM   #10
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Laughing out loud on both those Venom! Nicely played.....
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