A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who
thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The
teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little
Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by
yourself!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother
smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that,
mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his
mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue.

"What'* the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying
attention in class. She called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the
Cartoon Network!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny'* kindergarten class was on a field trip
to their local police station where they saw pictures
tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted
criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture
and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted
person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want
very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you
took his picture?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And for Tracy.......

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse'* legs, rump,
and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why
are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I
have to make sure that they are healthy and in good
shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS
guy wants to buy Mom."

the teacher asks her class if the can use the word "definitly" in a sentance. the first girl stands up and says " the sky is definitly blue ! " well the sky can be cloudy or at sunset orange says the teacher. so thats not always true. a little boy stands up and says" the trees are definitly green ! " not so says the teacher. they can be all kinds of colors in the fall. little johnny stands up and asks " are farts lumpy ?" no answers the teacher as she rolls her eyes. farts are not lumpy. " then i definitly **** my pants " says johnny !!

Thanks!! That made me laugh out loud. Too funny!!!! Gotta love those UPS guys.

MOS

The teacher is asking the class to come up with words that start with each letter of the alphabet.
What word starts with the letter A she asks.
Little Johnny'* hand shoots up...but the teacher is wise, she knows he will say ******* so she asks another student who replies....Apple!

What word starts with the letter B she asks.
Little Johnny'* hand waves....but the teacher is wise, she knows he will say Biatch or Bullshiit so she asks another student who replies.....Bunny!

What word starts with the letter C she asks.
Little Johnny'* hand waves frantically....but the teacher is wise, she knows he will say **** or ********** so she asks another student who replies......Car!

So continues the game and each time Johnny tries to respond but she deftly deflects his attempts.
Finally she gets to the letter R. She thinks for a moment and just can't think of a vulgar word that Little Johnny could come up with......so she asks him.

Little Johnny responds.......
Rats!...................Big Fucken Rats with 6 inch *****!