do this when you get pulled over for speeding

Officer: May I see your driver'* license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It'* not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That'* right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There'* a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That'* where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There'* a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It'* mine, officer. Here'* the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there'* a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there'* no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there'* a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying *.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

funny!! ...but unrealistic...still funny.

ROFL...yikes
I find that setting aside my pride and acting very, very sorry has worked all but once...

it works!!!