Here's a list of Haynes terms and their real world meanings. - GM Forum - Buick, Cadillac, Chev, Olds, GMC & Pontiac chat


Lounge For casual talk about things unrelated to General Motors. In other words, off-topic stuff. And anything else that does not fit Section Description.

Reply
 
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-30-2005, 11:20 AM   #1
Senior Member
Certified GM nut
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Port Charlotte FLORIDA
Posts: 2,077
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
its840 is on a distinguished road
Default Here'* a list of Haynes terms and their real world meanings.

Anyone who has ever used Haynes can relate to this...

Here'* a list of Haynes terms and their real world meanings.


Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with vise-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a chance in he1l!

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy some WD40 (industrial size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that'* the glass part off, now go get some good pliers to dig out the rest out.

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because this can not be 'lightly' what you are doing now.

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it'* about to be!

Haynes: One wrench rating.
Translation: Your mom could do this... so how did you manage to jack it up?

Haynes: Two wrench rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, itty-bitty number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

Haynes: Three wrench rating.
Translation: But vehicles are easy to maintain right... right?

Haynes: Four wrench rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you newb!

Haynes: Five wrench rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to move it afterwards!!!

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!


Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for it whilst muttering "FU(K" repeatedly under your breath.

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it'* going to need a new one"!

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that'* it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Pry away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
(wtf is a drift?)

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an AAA Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!




pulled this off of the civic forum though it was realy funny so i posted it here.

why does every one say or use wd40 that it just like spraying water on it. get some
p b blaster i will buy stock in that stuff!!!
its840 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2005, 11:25 AM   #2
DINOSAURUS BOOSTUS

Expert Gearhead
 
BillBoost37's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Enfield, CT
Posts: 41,391
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
BillBoost37 is a glorious beacon of lightBillBoost37 is a glorious beacon of lightBillBoost37 is a glorious beacon of lightBillBoost37 is a glorious beacon of lightBillBoost37 is a glorious beacon of lightBillBoost37 is a glorious beacon of light
Default

Made my day...
BillBoost37 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2005, 11:29 AM   #3
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 0
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
vital49 is on a distinguished road
Default

Very funny....

Been posted before, though..
vital49 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2005, 11:31 AM   #4
Senior Member
True Car Nut
 
rjolly87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Posts: 6,855
Thanked 298 Times in 246 Posts
rjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant futurerjolly87 has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by vital49
Very funny....

Been posted before, though..
http://www.bonnevilleclub.com/forum/...ic.php?t=29271

this one is a slight variation though. with a place this big, there is bound to be a repost.
rjolly87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2005, 12:37 PM   #5
Senior Member
Posts like a Northstar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Va Beach VA, Where ever I may Roam!
Posts: 773
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rosco the Iroc is on a distinguished road
Default

Re post or not- LMAO!
Rosco the Iroc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2005, 01:42 PM   #6
Senior Member
Certified GM nut
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Grand Haven, Michigan
Posts: 1,719
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
beckstyle is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That one had me laughing for a couple minutes. I loved it.[/code]
beckstyle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2005, 04:48 PM   #7
Senior Member
True Car Nut
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,978
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Princess Jeanie is on a distinguished road
Default

Even I thought it was funny!!!
Princess Jeanie is offline   Reply With Quote
 
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
OBD2 codes and meanings Danthurs Specifications and General Information 0 01-13-2009 03:53 PM
Build up thoughts..and meanings BillBoost37 General GM Chat 18 06-06-2007 01:05 PM
Meanings Phantom Forum updates and suggestions 4 01-30-2003 09:02 PM
Trim Level meanings pontiacfan1978 General GM Chat 53 10-19-2002 04:25 AM
Trim level meanings----straight from PONTIAC!!! willwren General GM Chat 27 10-16-2002 12:53 AM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:55 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.