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Old 01-21-2005, 10:27 AM   #1
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Default Darwin Awards Time

These were e-mailed to me, and since I don't recognize them, assume them to be new. The official site doesn't hev 2004 up yet, but here we go anyways...

Quote:
Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it'* time
for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin'* are awarded every year to
the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
themselves from the gene pool. This year'* nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend'* windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the
gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck."
Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung
underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December
in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside
his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson
38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever
reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently
among the Darwin nominees.)

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and
plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39,
fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early
Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building'*
windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian province getting
into the awards.... The Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)
Mythbusters showed this one to be improbable
Quote:
Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for
the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was
no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane
gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and
cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right
combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from
breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he
been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been
fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom.
According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for
creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one
was hospitalized.


Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolina'* electric chair on a
murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in
prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix
his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. (South
Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,
IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of
a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in
his face, sheriff'* investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died
in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators
said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been
firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when
the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the
accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional
Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the
balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if people
are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog
gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole'* pickup truck
headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model
truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis
noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into
the fuse box next to the
steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again
began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound
toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole
in the *********.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking
a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to
his *********, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained
a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off,
or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10
years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole'* wife) asked
how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the
truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure
as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued
that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene
pool.)
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Old 01-21-2005, 10:52 AM   #2
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that email is either fake or darwin'* screening process is going to crap, because that "winner" is a relatively well known urban legend, so is the death by farts.
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Old 01-21-2005, 12:34 PM   #3
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Default Re: Darwin Awards Time

Quote:
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December
in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside
his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson
38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever
reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently
among the Darwin nominees.)
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Old 01-21-2005, 01:18 PM   #4
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Default Re: Darwin Awards Time

Quote:
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck."
Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung
underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
I'm sorry..... I think this should be the honorary Bonneville Club winner. This is just too funny.


Even though none of our cars have driveshafts.
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