2003 Darwin Awards
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From: Mississauga, Ontario
2003 Darwin Awards
Classic..LMAO
THE DARWIN AWARDS ARE OUT FOR 2003!!!!
First, the honorable mentions
1. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a
finger.
The chef'* claim was approved.
2. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
3. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
4. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
5. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the
counter,and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer? $15. If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, was a crime committed?
6. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over
laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw
his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.The
thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank
later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, Freeze,
mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
7. Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that'* her. That'* the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash.The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
10. Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled
the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle'* license plate still attached
to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
And now...
First Place - The 2003 Darwin Award Winner
11. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, the would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
THE DARWIN AWARDS ARE OUT FOR 2003!!!!
First, the honorable mentions
1. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a
finger.
The chef'* claim was approved.
2. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
3. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
4. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
5. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the
counter,and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer? $15. If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, was a crime committed?
6. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over
laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw
his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.The
thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank
later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, Freeze,
mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
7. Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that'* her. That'* the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash.The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
10. Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled
the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle'* license plate still attached
to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
And now...
First Place - The 2003 Darwin Award Winner
11. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, the would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
Senior Member
Posts like a Corvette
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,305
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From: New Hampshire
Originally Posted by 89BonnieSE89
Number 6...I'm still tryin to catch my breath.
FREEZE MOTHER-STICKERS...THIS IS A F*** UP!!!!
FREEZE MOTHER-STICKERS...THIS IS A F*** UP!!!!
Although the first one was pretty good too; my hand flew to my mouth so quickly I actually slapped myself in the face!
That last one is just sad though...and the essence of the Darwin Awards.
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