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Old 02-02-2007, 03:55 PM   #31
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SSE14U24ME, I understand totally what you are saying and had that been the case, I would say that you hit it right on the head. Its a very good perspective however; I talked to her about it away from the group and told her I just wanted to go home. The situation could have just ended there... But the whole argument about trying to be an understanding and "cool" girlfriend does make sense but even that is a bit shallow to me. I don't care what any of my friends think about her. She is more than cool to me and that is all that matters. It would bother me to know that she felt that she had to win them over in order to make me happy. She won me over when we met two and a half years ago, and I haven't been happier before or ever since. I put her feelings first all of the time. Before me, she was in abusive relatioonship after abusive relationship, she had never gone on a real date, never had a guy open or door for her, or even seen anything outside of her neighborhood. I have helped her gain self confidence and have even taken in her son as if he were my own. I guess that if a person did that much for me, i would want to keep them as far away from the chance of leaving me as possible, but I just cant help to keep going back to the thought that i told her they were going but i didnt want to go and yet she told me to go and got mad because I was going to do what she told me. I understand people would like their mate to read between the lines but I feel like a relationship has a better chance of lasting and being strong if the communication was totally there.
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Old 02-02-2007, 04:07 PM   #32
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Brian,
If she was in an abusive relationship then that explains a whole lot more. I've been there, done that. Our whole thought process is different from other women who've never been abused. I'm glad she has found a great guy and you are helping her up instead of knocking her down.

This kind of reminds me of some women who say "Oh, don't buy me anything for my birthday,etc" but then get mad when you listen. Most women feel that we shouldn't have give you a play by play about what we need. It is hard for women to just come out and say "Don't go" otherwise we are known as controlling bitches, etc.

Just hang in there.
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Old 02-02-2007, 04:15 PM   #33
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I really appreciate your comments. they are very helpful to me and I mean that. So how do you explain her not just leaving it alone from the start when I said I didnt want to go? I know that she wouldn't want to look like "that" kind of girl friend and I would have just down played it to my friends for another reason like I am tired or something.
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Old 02-02-2007, 04:18 PM   #34
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I'm the kinda guy who'* straight up. I tell a girl, don't play games with me, just tell me what you want, and we'll go from there.

BS never helped anyone in a relationship.

Surprisingly in my last apt where we had 2 girls and 3 guys, the girls never got at eachother.
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Old 02-02-2007, 05:33 PM   #35
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All I have to say is that when I saw the name of this thread I was thinking, wow, that'* gonna be a BIG thread. I cant believe that it has ben contained to just one subject

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Old 02-02-2007, 06:25 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by briancole23
So how do you explain her not just leaving it alone from the start when I said I didnt want to go?
You'll have to ask her that.... that is the key to learning to communicate - ask questions. do not make assumptions.

Q: Why do women have a problem with strip clubs?
A: i agree with the 'bitch-factor'... women are very competitive, insecure, etc. And those women you see are usually quite fabulous... most of us women could never compete with bodies like that. Same with looking at ****. Most people feel that they must not be satisfying you if you have to look at it.

Q. She used to go to clubs and you didn't quite understand why she has a problem with it because you're not going to cheat....
Answer: Because she cares about you now. You act different when you care vs when you are just dating someone.

Q.Why did she tell you to go, and then why did she change her mind?
A. I'm not sure why she insisted you go, other than perhaps because she knew that hanging out with the guys is important, and you should do it, and she wanted you to have fun. So when you declined, she may have thought you were doing so because of her. She didn't want to be the reason you did not go.

In all relationships there is a power struggle... and no one wants to be the bad guy (or girl). it'* a difficult road...but communication is the key... keep trying to talk, ask questions, do not assume anything... you may be surprised at the answers.
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Old 02-02-2007, 06:41 PM   #37
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Brian.. I stopped reading about halfway down this page. I can give you some advice though. Don't listen to JW..he gets himself in hot water with the women around here all the time..lol. I dunno what Stan'* talking about (SSEMotorhead) he'* nuts and living in Utah..the uh..yeah..that state. As for what the women say..don't listen to them..they are telling you they are crazy.

Basically I'd suggest talking to her about it. A few (even a couple women) mentioned communication, that'* exactly what you need. Communication with her, that'* the way to have her understand. Personally I was in a great relationship and there was tons of communication. Then she told me about her past, had a problem once I knew about it, became crazy....hence forcing the relationship into a nosedive.
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Old 02-03-2007, 08:06 PM   #38
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I'm glad I'm not in your position; I can't stand those kind of petty mind games. I would have blown up right back at her and probably gone just to spite her.

Communication is fine but it at least has to be honest to be worth anything.

I think she was in the wrong then and still in the wrong now. I get the impression she'* wainting on some kind of apology from you when imo one needs to be forthcoming from her. You were supposed to know what she wanted is a load of bull; she should also have known that you wanted to hang with your buddies and that you wouldn't cheat on her to begin with. And if she doesn't know THAT by now then you've got bigger problems.
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Old 02-04-2007, 04:17 PM   #39
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I actually did blow up on her really really really bad. She even had the nerve to say that she felt like sometimes she needed to see where my head is at. I told her that if she could be with me for more than two years strong, then we do have a biigger problem then just tonight
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