A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

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A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "I can't serve you." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."

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Guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender looks up and says "Where did you get that ape?" Guy says, "This isn't an ape, it'* a duck". Bartender says "I was TALKING to the duck".

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"

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Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
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Two blondes walk into the bar....You'd think one of them would of seen it?

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

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A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get outa here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar.

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A chicken walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve poultry!"
The chicken says "That'* OK I just want a drink."

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A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"
Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. speak up!"
"May I please have a drink?"
"What? You have to speak up!"
"Could I please have a drink?"
"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."

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A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.

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A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

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Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?"
Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes.

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A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."

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Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted.

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

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Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."
One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

a bear walks into a bar and orders a drink. the bartender says we dont serve bears in here. the bear says he will eat the woman at the end of the bar if he dont get a drink. the bartender says whatever. the bear eats the woman and says now can i have a damn drink ! the bartender says we dont serve bears. especially bears on drugs. the bears says drugs ?? the bartender says yeah.....that was a bar.bitch.you.ate.

I came up with about 150 of these camping one time, and they were funny as hell, mainly because I was drunk. Too bad I forgot them all.

Sol...heres the JD, get drinkin, I have a pad of paper and pen..

3...2...1..GO

A man walks into a bar...the second one ducks

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A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

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