Driving Rules..Some pretty funny stuff in here....LOL


1. If you feel the need to go exactly the speed limit (without hitting the brakes. example: section 9), please keep your car to the right lane. I can't tell you how many times I have been stuck behind the only two cars on the road because some dumbass doesn't want someone in front of them. I don't think I excessivly speed. I might go 10mph over the speed limit when its the middle of the night and at most 5mph during normal travelling hours.

2. If you merge into the left lane to pass someone and there is someone coming up from behind you, SPEED THE **** UP! This corrilates with number 1. I shouldn't have to hit my brakes because your bitch *** wants to take your sweet *** time passing someone. Next time, try waiting for the car in the left lane to pass you before you pull out. The LEFT LANE is meant for FASTER DRIVERS.

3. TURN OFF YOUR ******' BRIGHTS! Your reflexes better be emcaulate because I will slam on my brakes if you come up behind me with your brights on. And for you oncoming traffic people, I always keep spare change next to me to whip at you. I hope I shatter your driverside window.

4. Tailgating is another quick and easy way to let me test my brakes as well as the airbags in your car. You will not get anywhere faster by tailgating me. People only get pissed off when you tailgate, they don't hit the gas.

5. When you are travelling down the road going a comfortable speed that corrilates with the speed limit, don't all of a sudden slow down, then speed back up, then slow down again, ect.. It makes people ******* neurotic and they get real edgy, especially me.

6. Use your damn blinker. It doesn't get anymore simple than that. I can understand (a little) not using your blinker if there is no one around, but I'm talking to the rockheads that don't signal their lane change or turn during rush hour. How would you like it if I swirved in front of you all of a sudden? You'd probably lay on the horn, right? All you have to do is flip a switch and magically, the blinker lets people know you plan on making a move. It gives people time to prepare. And it'* courteous.

7. Ladies, I know you are going to hate this, but my life is more important that gossiping with your friends. And there is nothing more terrifying than a woman on her cell phone while driving. But that is another section. Ladies, please, save the chit-chat for when you get to your destination or at least keep your eyes on the road while talking. Eye contact with your friends is not necessary when you are driving a half ton killing machine going 55mph down the highway. You not only endanger me, but you also endanger yourself as well as your friends that you obviously have a good time talking with. It'* a litte hard to chat when you are dead.

8. Now we are on to cell phones. Yes, I talk on my cell phone while driving, but I have never been on it for more than 30 seconds. Detailed conversation can wait. There is nothing I can't say once I reach my destination. Those headsets don't help either. People just don't pay attention when they are on the phone and that is all there is to it. Get off your damn cell phone and watch the ******* road. And you teenie boppers that actually use text messaging while driving, I hope you eat strychnine and die a terrible death.

9. HEY OLD *****! GET OFF THE ROAD! I'm not talking about all old people because some of them are still good drivers. The ones I am talking about are the ones who so scared of everything that they go 5 miles per hour under the speed limit and they stop at the end of off and on ramps. I don't know why the state doesn't force them to take eye exams and generalized driving tests once they reach a certain age. Someone could be killed. And it'* not that hard to regulate your speed without riding the brakes. No one needs to go EXACTLY the speed limit.

10. Winter driving. Now this is a biggie. Everyone that lives in this state KNOWS the roads get snowy and icy for at least 5 months out of the year, yet there are still thousands of retards who drive with complete disregard to the weather or the road conditions. Hey ********, your 4 wheel drive ONLY WORKS WHEN YOU ARE STOPPED! Let me explain this so everyone understands. From a stopped position the wheels have friction on ice because of the weight of the truck/car. Physics is against you when you are moving because of the lack of complete traction between the road and the tire. For those who don't have 4 wheel drive, you don't even have a fesible reason to go faster than the speed limit. When it gets icy, it gets slick for everyone. No one has a magic car that doesn't slide.

11. There is a general etiquette for on ramps that everyone needs to learn. When you get on an on ramp, you know you will have to speed up to highway speeds, so get a ******* move on. Trying to merge into traffic going 20mph slower than everyone else is really ******* hard and forces the drivers already on the highway to slow down, and this is a primary cause of the massive traffic jams during rush hour. And for those special on ramps that start out as two lanes then comes down to one at the end, you ***** need to learn how the order goes so everything runs smoother. Each driver in the dominating lane (the lane that continues) MUST let one car in front of them from the merging lane. It doesn't do you or anyone else any good to cut someone off. You will only be one space ahead and you'll still be stuck on a ******* on ramp you retard.

12. Turn on your lights when water is falling from the sky. All you need to do is flip a switch or push a button and an electrical current flows to the tungston filliments in the front of your car, and by a miracle of science, the road becomes illuminated. The reason car manufacturers put headlights on cars is because it not only helps you see, but it helps others on the road see you. I saw a someone pullout on another car without their lights on the other day. It'* clearly the fault of the person who pulled out too soon, but there wouldn't have been an accident at all if the other person had their lights on.

13. Why do people slow down WHILE they are ON THE HIGHWAY to get on an off ramp? Are you ******* that terrified of the road? The state builds extra lanes on the side of the highway for people to slow down. Considering off ramps are pretty much straight (as in not a clover leaf), you have plenty of time to slow down while you are cruising down the off ramp, not while you are on the highway.

14. What'* with ******* being deathly afraid of construction zones? If you aren't going to drive safely in those areas, they make detours so you don't have to go through them. I know it sounds crazy but those little orange signs above road markers that say "detour" are actually detours that don't have construction on them. During the day, you slow down like the law states for obvious reason. During the middle of the night, you go the speed limit or catch hell from me. Maybe I should have a megaphone in my car to tell you insecure ***** to quit being panzies and drive like you were taught in driver'* ed.

15. If there is a cop that has pulled someone over or there is a car on the shoulder with their hazards on, don't be a bitch and slam on the brakes. Chances are, the cop is just giving some retard like you a ticket or someone is having car problems. Nothing exciting. Rubber neckers cause accidents. And accidents cause me to break out the Louisville and threaten your life.

I have to agree with all of them. I do what I'm supposed to do but it honestly enrages me when those dumb f*ers think they're the best drivers. The old people? I agree 200% on that, I understand that they're old but god!!!! Around here they go as SLOW as possible. Yesterday was one, I felt like I could stop the car, unlock the door and get out then walk briskly and I could pass the old guy and I would tell him to speed up.

Couple things....

If I'm coming up on a car slower than me in the slow lane(as I drive the speedlimit 80% of the time), and someone is coming up faster than me in the fast lane. If they aren't going to be around me before I am too close to said vehicle ahead of me. They can kiss my ***. I am not hitting the brakes for their conveinence. I am also not going to break the law for them. In fact, my trip to Ohio was fun while Ben was asleep.... I got alongside a semi and paced it. I got a good 25 cars built up behind me and was enjoying every minute of it. Then I finally pulled ahead of the truck and they couldn't get around me fast enough. Point it. I'm not going out of my way some someone else and I'm not going to break the law for their conveinence. fuggum.

if im going 5 mph over the speed limit and you want to go 20, grow up. its not my damn fault and im not obligated to help you break the law. same goes if youre weaving in and out of traffic. im not obligated to help you endanger the lives of everyone driving around you. i will, i repeat, I WILL cut you off and drive in front of you going only 5 mph over the speed limit. there is nothing you cant wait for another 2 minutes to get to. unless your wife is in labor, slow the f- down. i will not let you endanger the lives of everyone else because your stupid *** doesnt realise that driving that way isnt safe. shoot me if you want.

That sounds pretty good to me. I drive 5 over, maybe 10 if I'm in a hurry, but I'm not driving 70 for anyone else. Coming into the town I live in, the speed limit goes from 55 to 35. I was kinda mad so I was going through the 35 zone at about 50, and I had cars passing me!

you can wait for me to finish passing the guy I'm going by then when I'm in the other lane you can pass us both.

I don't quite understand that statement

Nor do I....but I figured it could help out with some of the other retarded ideas...LOL

This may offend some people, but it needs to be said. If you're one of the douchebags that matches the speed of the vehicle in the lane next to you, you need to be taken off the road. Period. It'* called the Fast Lane, not the Get Even Lane. F*** you people that do that. If I'm speeding down the highway, it'* because I need to GET SOMEWHERE, not be trapped in the 50 car line that'* behind you doing 55 in the fast lane. I spent at least 15 minutes behind a 96-99 Bonneville a few weeks ago that I went to pass (she was doing the speed limit in the fast lane) and she sped up, looked over at me and mouthed "HA" to me, and then proceeded to match the speed of the semi in the right lane. For 20 f'n miles.

Also, if you're on an offramp and you need to merge with traffic, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, STOP ON THE OFFRAMP. Stopping in traffic = accident. Period. More than once I've had to swerve around some fool stopped at the top of an onramp. Traffic WILL allow you to merge.

\ steps off soapbox.
\\ apologies to anybody i have pissed off.
\\\ especially if i offended an admin.
\\\\ please don't ban me
\\\\\ extra points if someone can name where this 'slashing' technique comes from.

and dont f***in pass me on the right in the "break down lane" either....I WILL make that boost gauge hit 10psi.

FARK!