Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter - GM Forum - Buick, Cadillac, Chev, Olds, GMC & Pontiac chat


Lounge For casual talk about things unrelated to General Motors. In other words, off-topic stuff. And anything else that does not fit Section Description.

Reply
 
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-20-2003, 02:35 PM   #1
Senior Member
Posts like a Turbo
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Riegelwood, NC
Posts: 400
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
BadTA00 is on a distinguished road
Default Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter'* body, I will remove them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today'* world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
BadTA00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 03:33 PM   #2
Senior Member
Expert Gearhead
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 20,892
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Jim W is on a distinguished road
Default

I can't wait to have daughters...so I can torment ppl like...ME
Jim W is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 04:34 PM   #3
Senior Member
True Car Nut
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Salina, KS
Posts: 5,246
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
TrueWildMan is on a distinguished road
Default

Did, uh, Will write those up, by any chance?!?!
TrueWildMan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 05:49 PM   #4
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 0
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
PontiacMom is on a distinguished road
Default

I will need this posted on my front door in a few years
PontiacMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 06:01 PM   #5
Senior Member
True Car Nut
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 6,313
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
PontiacDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Dont worry Mom I got it printed and a new sig
PontiacDad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 08:08 PM   #6
Senior Member
Posts like a Turbo
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Eugene/Springfield Oregon
Posts: 322
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Justind23 is on a distinguished road
Default

Most excellent rules. I thought about sitting and sharpening knives when they come in for my girls but I have a few years to study and learn theses few "simple" rules now too. I did however already have the rule regaurding a firearm, and a shovle, and not being afraid to use either. Thanks BadTA00
Justind23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2003, 02:53 AM   #7
Senior Member
Certified Car Nut
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Robbinsdale, MN
Posts: 15,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
MOS95B is on a distinguished road
Default

I need those posted on my door {b]NOW!![/b]
MOS95B is offline   Reply With Quote
 
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My daughter rules tallbump Lounge 4 10-04-2007 10:21 PM
To drill or not to drill - 180 themostat in an L67 in AK Cheetah Performance, Brainstorming & Tuning 9 11-30-2006 12:04 AM
To drill or not to drill - 180 themostat in an NA BillBoost37 Performance, Brainstorming & Tuning 14 11-29-2006 02:12 PM
Dating for Gamers MOS95B Lounge 1 06-14-2004 11:56 AM
I want to be on a dating show. ssesc93 Lounge 1 09-24-2003 04:48 PM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:39 PM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.