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Old 12-06-2007, 03:50 PM   #11
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It'* not an easy situation, and I'm in a similar one myself. Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like someone to talk to one on one about it.

IMO, everyone else has already given good advice, so there'* not much else I can say to add to it.
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:30 PM   #12
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This is all good advice.
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:36 PM   #13
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I have to agree with everyone that said "if you have to ask, you already know your answer" for the most part, but what you need to consider is why are you wondering?

Is it because you feel your experience (yes, in that way) has been limited and you feel like you are missing out? If so, I can say for sure that you aren't. Having thought the same thing before and ending a relationship partially for that reason, I have looked back and said 'that wasn't the brightest of decisions, I had a good thing going".

Is it because you guys are different, as you say in the first post? If so, you need to figure out if different is really a bad thing. I am in a similar relationship, though only 1.5yrs, but my girlfriend is shy, doesn't like to go out, not a fan of crowds, very level headed, and a grad student. I on the other had have a full time job, enjoy outdoor sports and things that could get me hurt, and have an odd obsession with collecting Tonka trucks. Looking at us as individuals, we are VERY different people ,and even discussed how looking at it from an outside view and from how we viewed our ideal mate, we shouldn't be together. The thing is, we do have a great time when we are together, we are like best friends, and the big thing, we understand the differences. I think the last one is key. She knows that I am going to go out and do dangerous things, and I know she doesn't like to go out. So we work with it. She doesn't mind staying home and doing school work while I go downtown since she knows she doesn't enjoy it. She also knows I am going to do things that she'd consider too dangerous, and in some cases she just tells me to be careful, and sometimes she goes to keep an eye on me. But all in all, it'* about understanding.

And lastly, is it because you feel, now because of the distance, you aren't as close9 emotionally) and it feels more like a friendship? Distance can be the hardest thing to overcome, cause there is never an easy solution. It is something you either need to grin and bear until you can solve it, or you need to decide to take time off, either indefinitely, or just until you get closer. This might actually help you realize how much you do/don't care for her in more than a friendship way.

All in all, my feelings on the issue are stated in the first sentence, but I also wanted to play devil'* advocate to make sure you look at things from all sides.
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:54 PM   #14
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Great advice Geoff.

From a guy who has been married for 5 years, being friends is very important.
I consider my wife my best friend.
The woman may need the romance, that "spark", but when it is all said and done,
she has to be someone you actually want to ":hang out" with.
Hope that makes sense.
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Old 12-06-2007, 07:03 PM   #15
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I will be 20 in December and my girlfriend turned 18 in September. Every other week I ask myself is this what I want...I have no answers for you... I am posting only because I know what it feels like. Next fall she will be an hour away and I don't know how things will work out.

You aren't alone.

Often times guys will hang on because we are afraid to change the way things are.
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Old 12-06-2007, 07:06 PM   #16
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If she'* not the one then move on and find her.
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Old 12-06-2007, 08:29 PM   #17
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I've been married for 14 years. Been with my wife for 21 years total. High school sweethearts and all. My older brother is in the middle of his second divorce.

The reason he is divorcing again is this.. In a relationship people change, your expierences as you get older make you a different person with each passing day. The person you were 6 years ago is not the person you are now. People don't always get along, life is NOT a sitcom. You need to learn to grow with a person and know that relationships take work.

I could go on, but think of it this way. I, as stated above have argued with my wife, sometimes over the dombest things. When you think of ending the relationship do you feel a giant whole in your chest ? If the answer is yes then try harder to work it out. When ever I have thought of leaving (and at some point 99% of couples do) it tears me apart to think of not having my wife and my best friend there with me no matter what. Remember that you are not alone, as you have seen in just the responses here people have been through this kinda stuff before, don't let your concerns, worries, doubts, make you feel like less of a person or less of a caring person because others have been where you are.

I am not the perfect relationship guy, and at times my wife would like to have more space (for the body) .. I suggest you be honest with yourself and her, as you shouldn't think that she isn't thinking the same or that she doesn't know what you're thinking. No matter how much you and she change as people honesty makes relationships last.

hope all this helps
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Old 12-06-2007, 09:03 PM   #18
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I was always planning on waiting until after the new year to do anything (if I do anything.) I'm leaning more towards breaking it off. We split up about a year ago for a few months (ending our engagement), but kind of got back together. We very rarely get intimate beyond cuddling. And it seems like at least once a day we mention how different we are and that we do seem more like best friends than anything. I just don't want to hurt her more than I have to. With her being so shy, she has only one friend, and I had to introduce them and get them together. Her friend also happens to be my best friends wife. What I ideally want to happen is for things to stay the same between us with the exceptions: No chance of physical intimacy and we start dating other people. Do these expectation seem realistic? Or am I way off base on this one?
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Old 12-06-2007, 09:52 PM   #19
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I don't know you or your girlfriend, but thinking you'll end up friends might be wishful thinking. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend and best friend of over a year and at this point can't talk to him. Not because I'm angry, but because I just can't.

With that being said, again, I don't know her.
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:47 AM   #20
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Just break it off clean and move on. Don't do the wishy washy friends thing. It'll temp you too much to go back to the comfortable place you once were...
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