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View Poll Results: What should I do??????
YES GET CHINS INVOLVED 2 25.00%
NO SEND HIM TO THE DOCTORS FIRST 6 75.00%
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Old 12-21-2006, 12:02 AM   #11
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To try and answer a couple of replies, my son sees both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. The two of them though are a joke and Iím in the process of finding him new doctors that are within my heath plan coverage.

I do agree that he is an angry child, and sometimes we donít have the best of conversations since I always try to be stern with him when he does things to get into trouble.

When it comes to punishments, I totally enforce what I say and follow through on all of the house rules. I take privileges away, I remove things from his room, I do as much as I can with what little energy I have left after a full days work, but it doesnít seem to faze him at all and thereí* nothing more I can take away or do to get the point across to him.

What Iím finding out more and more by his comments is, he thinks he is my equal. He thinks that if another child or adult does it, he can do it too, even after I try and guide him in the right direction when talking to him about it.

I donít know if living at his Verbally abusive mothers house with the alcoholic Boyfriend had anything to do with it, but Iím sure the boyfriend was too drunk and she not willing, to even enforce any house rules.

The story goes on and on but I dont want anyone to begin to think im just a whinning little bitch, but yeah I guess we all have one thing or another going on....but it sure does feel like crap when you think your the only one going through some stuff and everything your trying to do to keep things together, is just making things continue to fall apart.


Pmom: That is some interesting information and I will bring it up to the specialists and see if that also may be a posibility. Im willing to try ANYTHING at this point to try and get things back to normal so I can start living a normal life with my family.
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Old 12-21-2006, 02:39 AM   #12
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You are the kind of parent that a child like yours needs.....One that will fight for him and be a voice and try to help him. You are doing EXACTLY what you are supposed to be doing......And DO NOT always agree with the doctors, you know your child better than anyone. Yell and scream to get your point across, because right now, you are the only voice your child has.

Oh and look into getting him a behavioural interventionist (thats what I do), it makes a difference in a child'* life.....PM me if you have any questions
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Old 12-21-2006, 03:03 AM   #13
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Tony....all I have to say is don't be down on yourself AT ALL!! U have to do what u have to do. I have thought I have always been a good observer of people, and from the few times i've hung out w/u u seem to be a very down to earth person, not fake or seem like your hiding something. I was a somewhat troubled child when I was younger and my mother was SOOOOO strict, I hated her back then.....but now I feel I am somewhat a responsible person and can get along w/almost everyone I talk to!! Your doing the right thing and i'm sure whatever decision u make will be great! Take it easy!!
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Old 12-21-2006, 10:08 AM   #14
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Im going to jump in here.

First let me ask does your son play video games and if he does can he sit there for hours on end? if he does throw that ADHD crap out the window (im not one to accept labels).

My finance is going through the same somewhat with her 8 year old son this kid is a terror honestly not his fault more so the way he was brought up and things he saw nothing a little tough love wont fix IMO.

i'll tell you the same thing i tell her crack the whip and be tough be the biggest a$$hole you can be. lay down the law and live by it cause if you dont get it under control now you will lose him for good.

if he is on probation talk to his PO get some suggestions as where to go for help. Punish bad behavior reward good set rules and dont let them bend not only for you but your child.

I can say this with experience as this was me at the age of 12-16 i was so bad i got booted off of probation they estimated i breeched 600+ times in under 4 months then one day a lady officer came to my house and put the fear of god into me and that changed my outlook on life.

sometimes and i really dont know you or what has gone on but we really need to step back and lok at ourselves cause honestly when our children run amuck its really us to blame.

Same thing i tell my girl when she loks at my son then at hers don't give up he'* worth it i know where my mom went wrong and i havent made the same mistakes with my son.
so get out there and get busy start opening doors for your family and your son.
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Old 12-21-2006, 11:36 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReallyAGXP
Im going to jump in here.

First let me ask does your son play video games and if he does can he sit there for hours on end? if he does throw that ADHD crap out the window (im not one to accept labels).

My finance is going through the same somewhat with her 8 year old son this kid is a terror honestly not his fault more so the way he was brought up and things he saw nothing a little tough love wont fix IMO.

i'll tell you the same thing i tell her crack the whip and be tough be the biggest a$$hole you can be. lay down the law and live by it cause if you dont get it under control now you will lose him for good.

if he is on probation talk to his PO get some suggestions as where to go for help. Punish bad behavior reward good set rules and dont let them bend not only for you but your child.

I can say this with experience as this was me at the age of 12-16 i was so bad i got booted off of probation they estimated i breeched 600+ times in under 4 months then one day a lady officer came to my house and put the fear of god into me and that changed my outlook on life.

sometimes and i really dont know you or what has gone on but we really need to step back and lok at ourselves cause honestly when our children run amuck its really us to blame.

Same thing i tell my girl when she loks at my son then at hers don't give up he'* worth it i know where my mom went wrong and i havent made the same mistakes with my son.
so get out there and get busy start opening doors for your family and your son.

ADHD is far from a label. It is an actual neurological disorder that has been documented by doctors all across the united states. I do believe that some children who may show the typical symptoms may be misdiagnosed, but far from being just a label.

Anyhow, my son does have an Xbox, but he does not play on it much and will only play for about an hour when he has a new game. After that hes bored with it and doesnt play it after that. His Xbox hasnt been turned on since we came back from NY after thanksgiving.

Part of the problem is the way in which his mother had raised him for the last 5 years until I took custody of him. like I stated previoulsly, Her BF was too drunk to enforce any rules and she wasnt willing to go through the battles to do so either.

This is the second school year that I have had my son, and I have been very stern with him and have upheld every punishment that i have promised to dish out when he misbehaves. The good deeds? Well, there werent many, but I did reward him when he was in fact good.

Trust me, I have been trying everything possible to get him on the right track and I truly believe that once he gets re-evaluated, that he will be fine once we get into the new routine.

I have spoken with about 3 other parents who describe the same things that they are dealing with with their children who have ADHD. They ALL cant just be labeled without actually having the disorder, but I appreciate your thoughts on this!!

Pmom: Thanks for that. I really needed to hear that because sometimes I think that Im not doing enough to help him and that im failing as a parent, but then I think to myself what else can I do? And know that i am doing as much as possible to get him the help he needs. I know this is just a matter of time but I hope with growth and maturity, my son will pass this stage and start to live a normal life. I cant imagine what he must be feeling when he gets so frustrated all of the time.

Thanks everyone for your input....please feel free to keep em coming, this is good therapy!!
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Old 12-21-2006, 12:20 PM   #16
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Maybe I missed it somewhere, but how old is your son?

Take what I am saying as a concept, not necessarily in the words that I write.

This may seem a tad to the contrary of what people are saying, but I think you need to ensure that you are not just the person who delivers discipline. I am not saying to abandon discipline, because that is of upmost importance. But it is also good to be a mentor. Create a reason for him to REALLY look up to you in a way that interests him. If you know a lot about somethings (cars for example), spend time together working on yours.

From my unprofessional stand point though, I would guess that something is wrong with his meds though. If he is frustrated with things (like school) then he will be hard to deal with. Period.
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Old 12-21-2006, 12:44 PM   #17
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Rule #1 - don't get down on yourself...even kids from "non-broken" homes and the happiest childhoods possible have turned out with similar issues. I believe that everyone'* behavior is a mixture of genetics and socially-learned behaviors.
Tony...you're on the right track, as Pmom said... seeking help, adviise, ask questions, don't take the obvious to be the root cause; sometimes there are hidden problems buried deep within. Google is your friend as well... get 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions if necessary... and don't let the HMO plan decide for you what is the best treatment for your child.

Go with your gut instinct... sometimes a child cannot help his behaviors...other times he can but don't know how... still others are just plain rotten to the core. Getting to the root of the issue is the hardest and most critical part. Is it a chemical imbalance? Is is a psychological issue? Is it a combination and does it depend upon the day. Perhaps it changes from day to day.

Finally... my kids do not have ADHD... and many times I have the same homework scenario that end up with me screaming at them and them stomping off yelling "you're not fair!"

Words I live by: "...if your teen (or pre-teen) hates you 99% of the time, you're doing your job." ~ Dr. Laura (radio personality).
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Old 12-21-2006, 02:45 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by singscountry1967
Rule #1 - don't get down on yourself...even kids from "non-broken" homes and the happiest childhoods possible have turned out with similar issues. I believe that everyone'* behavior is a mixture of genetics and socially-learned behaviors.
Tony...you're on the right track, as Pmom said... seeking help, adviise, ask questions, don't take the obvious to be the root cause; sometimes there are hidden problems buried deep within. Google is your friend as well... get 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions if necessary... and don't let the HMO plan decide for you what is the best treatment for your child.

Go with your gut instinct... sometimes a child cannot help his behaviors...other times he can but don't know how... still others are just plain rotten to the core. Getting to the root of the issue is the hardest and most critical part. Is it a chemical imbalance? Is is a psychological issue? Is it a combination and does it depend upon the day. Perhaps it changes from day to day.

Finally... my kids do not have ADHD... and many times I have the same homework scenario that end up with me screaming at them and them stomping off yelling "you're not fair!"

Words I live by: "...if your teen (or pre-teen) hates you 99% of the time, you're doing your job." ~ Dr. Laura (radio personality).
x2

And about what i said earlier about ADHD and ADD you would be surprised but 85% of the times its misdiagnosed by lazy doctors who dont take the time and would rather right scripts for this med and that med.this comming from someone who was diagnosed with ADD and ADHD till one day i found someone who said bullsh*t if this kid can put together a model car or do this for more then x amount of time thats crap.

basically i was a child who wanted to rule the roost and was given the power to do so, school well it sucked i got bored and stopped going ( was to easy) i was the one saying i need more i need more went from a A+ kid to a drop out in the matter of 3 months cause everyone around me said nope this is to much for you thats to hard , i wanted stimulation.

Getting back to your son what are some of the things he enjoys?? what does he like to do get involved in those things send less time analyzing and more time following, watching and learning everything else will drop in to place.

And stay on top of whats going on and like said above 3rd 4th and 5th opinion'* are a great idea.

one more thing is there some type of resentment towards you for the separation between you and his mom. talk to him about things that went on in her home things that were said you know the more you both know about each other will help 10 fold.

keep your chin up, and remember things always get harder before they get beter
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Old 12-21-2006, 06:29 PM   #19
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boarding school!!!!!!!!


i was a lil trouble maker when i was in my teen yrs.. ran away from home a few times.. trouble with the law, fighting, illegal thingies the list goes on..... then one day i got into a wee bit of trouble that i couldnt talk my way outa.... sat in a "controled" enviroment for a few months and then stuck with a probation officer for lmost 5 yrs.... damm did that ever change my life..... almost 10 yrs latter im now a respectfull young adult, college student. and changed my life around 10000000 fold... since that date i have never seen the inside of a police staion or talked to a police officer (in a bad way) i havent even had a traiffic ticket in almost 7 yrs now (knock on wood)

so sometimes the court systems realy do work..... however there are ppl like my cousin who dont matter how many times ya try they just wont grow up..... for him goin into a controled enviroment is cool to him so he can see his old freinds....

kids now adays just try to fit into the "cool" crowd and the "cool" crowd is always the bad crowd...

i cant tell ya what to do and what not to do... thats all up to you and your son.. sit down with him and tell him "you have one of two options either way we are gettin you under control; 1. you can do it or 2. the courts can do it" but good luck to ya and hope ya get it figured out....
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Old 12-21-2006, 08:39 PM   #20
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Are there any responsibilities he does do well with?

I was thinking maybe you two need to bond a bit also. It helped with my stepkids; I'd come home and say "hey, its nice out, lets go fishing" or something, even when they were in trouble (but not grounded) or "Hey, help me level out the yard" and we'd spend a few hours leveling the backyard and then I broke out the basketball hoop/pole. Then they'd be more than enthusiastic for digging the hole and setting the pole.
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