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Old 12-07-2005, 03:59 PM   #1
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Default my christmas card.. the wife doesnt like it.

if yall knew me, you would know that im a smart butt sorta person and every year i like to send out bad cards sorta speak. well heres the one i found for this yr.



'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my *** for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those ******** from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little *****
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo'*--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there'* just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat *** and draw unemployment.
There'* no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
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Old 12-07-2005, 04:19 PM   #2
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recieved that in an email the other day
good one
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Old 12-07-2005, 04:25 PM   #3
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i like sending stuff like that out. ill search my puter for the one i sent out last yr. she wouldnt put her name on them eather so i sent mine out and she sent hers out. but ill look
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Old 12-07-2005, 05:09 PM   #4
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Ahaha. That was cool. Yeah.
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Old 12-07-2005, 05:48 PM   #5
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and heeres the one from last year. its an older one and i bet you have read it before but its that time of the yr to start sending out crude xmas cards!!!!

mind you i didnt send these to my parents or grandparents just freinds and co- workers


'Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse

With mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I had just settled down
for a nice piece of ***

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my place
to see what'* the matter

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the old ****** fell

He filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

He rose up the chimney
with a thounderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart

He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight,
"**** on you all,
and have a good night"
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Old 12-07-2005, 06:21 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by its840
and heeres the one from last year. its an older one and i bet you have read it before but its that time of the yr to start sending out crude xmas cards!!!!

mind you i didnt send these to my parents or grandparents just freinds and co- workers


'Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt crappy
even the mouse

With mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I had just settled down
for a nice piece of A$$

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my place
to see what'* the matter

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of H***
I knew in a moment
the old f*** fell

He filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

He rose up the chimney
with a thounderous fart
the son of a B****
blew the chimney apart

He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight,
"**** on you all,
and have a good night"

They both are good but,the second is really OLD!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-08-2005, 01:35 AM   #7
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theres even an older one that i used the yr before but i dont have a clue where that is at. but if i find ill post.
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