Yea something could be fishy if she got a letter. If she and her hubby were "hotlined" they would just show up at the house without warning. I am a counselor and thats usually how it works, if she got a letter something else might be going on.

how old is your son?
if you don't feel like sharing, i understand that too.
keep us posted on any new developments

Alright, a little update.

Turns out that the complaint was against her current husband and his child with HIS ex. Turns out she (being the ex) is being very vindictive (supposedly). In any case, my son, or my ex for that matter, isn't involved directly.

Let'* see if I can do a Cliffs Notes version of the background. Wife and I separate due to militrary reasons in July 2k, going to opposite sides of the country. Initially I had our son with me, and when I was on duty, he would stay with her aunt and uncle (who lived in Pensacola where I was stationed). September that year, her aunt takes my son to California w/o my consent (he was 8 months old at the time), and wife drops the news she wants a divorce. And since we were still married, no kidnapping charges could be filed November of 2k, I get served separation papers from California. November 2001 saw the birth of her second child, not biologically mine, but since we are still legally married, she is legally my daughter. Her command didn't do squat about the adultery case I brought up...or the "kidnapping".

Fast forward a few years. She is now out of the service, living in Iowa, married to her 3rd husband in 7 years. And pregnant with her 3rd child, by a third man...so there are no full-blooded siblings at all. Plus HIS daughter...so by August there will be...6 people living in a 2-bedroom house that is out in the middle of nowhere. And Iowa has no laws against things like that. And everytime I get him, he looks like a ragamuffin. Filthy, and reeks of cigarette smoke. But everytime I get him....things turn around for him. He has his own room, his own bed. New clothes. Clean air. Haircuts. You name it, he gets it.

It irks me that nothing short of proving that she is a drug addict (which she isn't) will help me out. At the same time, both he and his sister (8 and 6 respectively) are at that age where they should be together. Me taking him full-time means they become separated, which is something I don't want to do.

I hate this situation. No matter what course of action is taken...it'* my son that suffers. And if I take action and get him full time, I hurt two children in the process.

Here are two recent father/son pics...see how happy he is?

I wish that I could give some advice, but I really can't as I don't really know much about child custody laws, especially in Iowa... I do feel for you, though. It sounds like he'* in a really bad situation right now, but it also sounds that no one that has the power to fix this is doing so. So, I don't know what to say. Hopefully things will work out for the best. I wish that there was a way for you to convince your ex that you raising both of them would be a better situation for both parties, as it seems it'* your only choice, unless you can bring the complaint up in court saying that he'* unfit as a father because of this. Other than that, he only thing I can say is good luck, custody battles are a b!tch...