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Old 02-28-2006, 09:50 PM   #1
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Default Male / Female humor

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Old 02-28-2006, 09:58 PM   #2
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man, every one of them right on. thats amazing.
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Old 03-01-2006, 08:06 AM   #3
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Default Re: Male / Female humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by sse1990

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
I keep trying to tell people.......

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Old 03-01-2006, 10:57 AM   #4
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Default Re: Male / Female humor

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.[/quote]

That would shut up the old aunts.
Can you imagine some young woman doing that, with a giggle and all?
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:42 AM   #5
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Default Re: Male / Female humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by sse1990
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
I will admit that is true.
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:43 AM   #6
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Default Re: Male / Female humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Quote:
Originally Posted by sse1990
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
I will admit that is true.
Shut up.....





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Old 03-01-2006, 11:47 AM   #7
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Default Re: Male / Female humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Quote:
Originally Posted by sse1990
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
I will admit that is true.
Shut up.....





I have a bone to pick with you Mr. MOS!!!
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:59 AM   #8
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So many inappropriate replies come to mind........
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Old 03-01-2006, 12:00 PM   #9
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Default Re: Male / Female humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Shut up.....
New arguement!
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Old 03-01-2006, 12:04 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
So many inappropriate replies come to mind........
yeah, yeah, yeah. You and Boost didn't come to my rescue when I was so falsely accused of not taking the idiot thread as humorous. You guys both know how I am and yet no support. Geez!!! I back you both up if you're not around to do it for yourselves. I'm very dissappointed- now get in the corner for a time out. Scoot!
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