A joke for our Canadian friends
04-16-2003, 05:35 PM
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A joke for our Canadian friends
Canadian Logic:
President George Bush was sitting in the Oval Office wondering which country was the next biggest threat when his telephone rang:
"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said.
"This here is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger'* Cove,
Newfoundland, Canada eh?
And I am callin' to tell ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, eh!"
"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Archie,
"Off the top of me head.hmmmm there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next
door neighbour Mick,
.And the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have 1,000,000 men in my army,
just waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again.
"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get us some equipment."
"And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry'* farm tractor."
President Bush sighed.
"I must tell you Archie, that I have16,000 tanks and14,000 armoured
personnel carriers.
Also I've increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke."
Lard T'underin' Jaysus man, ", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya, eh"
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.
"President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves
airborne!
We've modified Harrigan'* ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit,
and four buds from the Legion have joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites.
And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to 2,000,000!"
"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie, "I'll have ta call you'se back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day.
"President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off
dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well, sir," said Archie,
"We've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
come to realize".
"Dat dere'* no way we can feed two million prisoners."
Jay
President George Bush was sitting in the Oval Office wondering which country was the next biggest threat when his telephone rang:
"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said.
"This here is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger'* Cove,
Newfoundland, Canada eh?
And I am callin' to tell ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, eh!"
"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Archie,
"Off the top of me head.hmmmm there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next
door neighbour Mick,
.And the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have 1,000,000 men in my army,
just waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again.
"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get us some equipment."
"And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry'* farm tractor."
President Bush sighed.
"I must tell you Archie, that I have16,000 tanks and14,000 armoured
personnel carriers.
Also I've increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke."
Lard T'underin' Jaysus man, ", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya, eh"
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.
"President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves
airborne!
We've modified Harrigan'* ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit,
and four buds from the Legion have joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites.
And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to 2,000,000!"
"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie, "I'll have ta call you'se back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day.
"President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off
dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well, sir," said Archie,
"We've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
come to realize".
"Dat dere'* no way we can feed two million prisoners."
Jay
04-18-2003, 02:45 PM
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yo yo
hahahah thats some funny stuff.... i like the "not enough beer" reply the most . . . . . hmmmmm kinda makes want a beer right now being its friday and all... damn and still 4 more hours of work... jeez gonna be a long four hours now
MAD PROPS for the funny joke !!!!!!!!!!!
MAD PROPS for the funny joke !!!!!!!!!!!
04-25-2003, 09:16 AM
#9
Senior Member
Expert Gearhead
More Newfie jokes
A couple of Newfoundlander boys: Ned and George, decide that its time to furthur their education, so they put down their fishin nets and head over to the local college 'dere in St. Johns
Ned has has his interview first, he walks up to the Dean of Admissions and tells him what he is interested in taking. The Dean ponders and says, "OK Ned, you need to take courses in Math, History and Logic". Ned remarks...."what is logic?"
The Dean, in all of his wisdom and understanding says "I'm goin to give you your first lesson in logic".
Dean: "Do you have a weed eater?"
Ned: "Yes, i surely do Mr Dean sir"
Dean:" Well then according to logic you must have a lawn?"
Ned: "Darn tootin...I gots a nice lawn up 'dere on 'dose hills 'dere
Dean: "Great, well, the according to logic if you have a lawn, you must have a house..."
Ned: "Jaysum crow...you're right, I like this logic, I do have a house!"
Dean: "OK, so, a house is hard to care for, so, logic dictates, you must be married?"
Ned: "For surely I do, she brings me my beer on the front porch!!!"
Dean: "Wonderful, so according to logic, I can determine if you are homosexual or heterosexual....so....what are you?
Ned: Well, surely I be hetero....
Dean: "Excellent, you have just had your first lesson in logic!"
Ned leaves the room amazed, he walks over to George sitting in the waiting room and tells him all about it"
Hey Jarge!, I just had my first lesson in logic!!. George, amazed...asked what it was like? Ned decides to quiz his drinkin buddy by asking...
Ned: Hey Jarge...do you have a weed eater?"
George: Nope...
Ned: Then you must be gay!!
A couple of Newfoundlander boys: Ned and George, decide that its time to furthur their education, so they put down their fishin nets and head over to the local college 'dere in St. Johns
Ned has has his interview first, he walks up to the Dean of Admissions and tells him what he is interested in taking. The Dean ponders and says, "OK Ned, you need to take courses in Math, History and Logic". Ned remarks...."what is logic?"
The Dean, in all of his wisdom and understanding says "I'm goin to give you your first lesson in logic".
Dean: "Do you have a weed eater?"
Ned: "Yes, i surely do Mr Dean sir"
Dean:" Well then according to logic you must have a lawn?"
Ned: "Darn tootin...I gots a nice lawn up 'dere on 'dose hills 'dere
Dean: "Great, well, the according to logic if you have a lawn, you must have a house..."
Ned: "Jaysum crow...you're right, I like this logic, I do have a house!"
Dean: "OK, so, a house is hard to care for, so, logic dictates, you must be married?"
Ned: "For surely I do, she brings me my beer on the front porch!!!"
Dean: "Wonderful, so according to logic, I can determine if you are homosexual or heterosexual....so....what are you?
Ned: Well, surely I be hetero....
Dean: "Excellent, you have just had your first lesson in logic!"
Ned leaves the room amazed, he walks over to George sitting in the waiting room and tells him all about it"
Hey Jarge!, I just had my first lesson in logic!!. George, amazed...asked what it was like? Ned decides to quiz his drinkin buddy by asking...
Ned: Hey Jarge...do you have a weed eater?"
George: Nope...
Ned: Then you must be gay!!
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