Hey man, I had that same thing happen to me on Homecoming my freshman year in college ('02, damn that'* a long time ago). I remember getting ready to go preparty before the football game and I got an IM (not even a phone call!) asking if i knew what happened to Chris. I said no so my friend said that she was sorry that she had to be the one to tell me that he took his life the previous night. I guess for me it wasn't a complete shock because he had tried it 4 year prior but I still didn't know what to do. I went out into the section in my dorm and just sort of told my friends and then started crying. It was a really numb, surreal feeling and you know that life is going to be different from now on. I knew he was on meds and diagnosed with depression but he seemed OK to me. He was really looking forward to going to his senior year (high school) homecoming w/ a girl he really liked (also a very good friend of mine) and he was going to drive his '65 Mustang that he was restoring himself. It was even to be painted the next week. He had hung out w/ friends of ours that night and seemed fine but about midnight he kept trying to call one of them but her phone was in somebody'* car so she didn't answer. I guess the last call was about 10 minutes before he crashed his car and then hung himself a hundred yards from the golf course clubhouse. I guess he had been thinking about it because he had written a short note to the girl he was going to homecoming w/ and he had rope in the car. One thing that gave me chills was that he crashed his car (not the stang) doing a high-speed run on a road that runs by the golf course I worked at where he and I would bomb down at 100 every once in a while. Also, we had discussed that if we HAD to chose to die w/out our family present we would chose high-speed car crash because it'd be quick and it'd be while doing something we loved, driving. We didn't discuss it in a "real" way but it was a conversation about our passion for cars. The REALLY creepy thing was that I was in MN for college and wanted to come back for that homecoming to go w/ my girlfriend and we had joked that if he for some reason died I would come back for his funeral and i could go to homecoming.....................it sucks how things work out. I don't feel responsible but i've thought hundreds of times about how much I wish I would've been in NE that night or that I would've called him more that previous week (transition to out-of-state college was too much fun) but i guess in the end i couldn't do anything about it. I just wish that perhaps we hadn't had the conversation about high-speed car-crash death or the funeral bit. At the time it seemed like fun and games but you never know...

Anyway, i'm sorry to ramble on but I guess that i've been thinking about it lately because his birthday is coming up and those old feelings start creeping up again. Anyway, point is that it'* tough when you start questioning what you could've or should've done but the ultimate decision is up to the person. It'* going to hurt and you're going to question but all you can do is pray for his friends and family and hope that some ray of good shines from all of this, even if you can't see it...

On 12-14-06 my granddaughter was born. As one life ends, another begins.

I'm blessed to have the knowledge, however, that death is not the end, but the beginning of a new chapter in life. While suicide is not the recommended way to get there, rest assured your friend dwells in paradise today.

I wish you peace.

I'm really sorry to her about your loss. I kept going back and forth from this post trying to decide if I wanted to reply.. I just don't know what to say. I just hope that things get better for you. :( A lot of us have been tempted to do something like that, but didn't. It really sucks that he didn't contact someone and try to hold on. :( I"m really sorry!

thats exacttly how i always have looked at it. thanks for the suport.

I'm very, very truly sorry to hear of your loss... as you can see, others have experienced the same, and know what you are feeling. Hugs to you, your friends, and the family.