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Old 02-26-2007, 10:59 PM   #11
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First Time With Tiger

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That'* no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he'* rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he'* tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
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Old 02-26-2007, 11:31 PM   #12
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Those are all great.
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Old 02-27-2007, 11:03 AM   #13
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The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no fulltime employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it" says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It'* a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor'* jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph'* attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you that I can stand on one side and pee into the wastebasket on the other side of your desk, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there'* no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph'* attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and **** all over an IRS official'* desk and that you'd be happy about it."
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Old 02-27-2007, 03:18 PM   #14
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i love this thread!



WE NEED IT STUCK AT THE TOP!
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Old 02-27-2007, 03:29 PM   #15
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Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working
under your vehicle.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a
Crestview couple that drove their car to Walmart, only to have
their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife
to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding
from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack
of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back
into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
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Old 02-28-2007, 08:10 PM   #16
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Beware Restroom Conversations:
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just taking care of business...!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
"No.......I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There'* an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From a friend.....

Derrick, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green and when I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond !
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Old 02-28-2007, 08:53 PM   #17
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These are great... The official joke sticky???
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Old 03-20-2007, 11:14 AM   #18
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Default I thought I would try a video this time

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Old 03-20-2007, 11:21 AM   #19
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Anyone have this at there work.

Casual Sex Friday'*

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LAFL6Ptk5Ug
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Old 03-20-2007, 09:54 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maymybonneliveforever
Anyone have this at there work.

Casual Sex Friday'*

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LAFL6Ptk5Ug
Don't I wish! We got some pretty hot nurses here... but I'm married and haven't noticed 'em at all. Honest.
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