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Old 10-17-2002, 05:21 PM   #1
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Default If I was a Ricer...

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Taken from ClubGP.com

*Story* My day as a ricer

I got up in the morning and put on my pants. I didn't feel like pulling them all the way up so I left them hanging below my ***. I thought this is cool in case I get a girl and need to flop my 2" rod at her quickly.

So I put on my cap, and out I went. I fell down the damn stairs because I tripped on my pants. That'* okay I only hit my head and God knows I've done that many times before.

Anyway I got into my phat ride and hooked up my yellow padded seat belt. I had to re-new the layer of duct tape that kept the windshield from leaking because of my failed attempt to make it look like lexan. Other than that my car sounded so cool with the 5" tip I just got at Pep boys. Pep boys is wack, they have a cool section now. I hope I get the store credit card so I can buy a set of blue washer lights and ****!

At a red light I revved at some looser in a piece of **** V8 American car. The guy was cool because he started to laugh. I think it'* cool that he can laugh at himself like that. No way he was laughing at me because in total I have like 150 HP because I bought new spark plugs and a exhaust tip. I have stickers of things that I'd like to buy for my car, so people better watch out.

The V8 guy didn't want to race me, but I showed him anyway and floored it. I manually shifted my automatic transmission when the red light from the monster tach lit my whole face. I got him by 15 car lenghts. Count to think of it, I think he turned to another street but the distance he was from me still counts right?

So here I am crusing along the street in first gear, in case I need to race again. My engine sounded so sweet revving at around 5k and my car going 15 MPH. All the ladies looked at me. I was so happy, if I wouldn't have painted my rear drums yellow I would have stopped to talk to them. I wanted my yellow paint on my drums to stay clean you know.

Finally I creep up to another damn American car at a red light. This guy was a joke. He had like these huge *** tires in the rear and it looked like he didn't even cut his springs, so I thought I had an advantage over him. His old car with "Rice Killer" on the rear window had a huge chrome hood ornament in the middle of the hood. It had 3 little holes on it and the whole thing moved left to right. I thought "dang, I wonder if Pep boys has something like that for me to bolt onto the hood too"? Heck I'd put it on the roof.

His car had side exhaust that blew what smelt like un-burnt gas into my passenger window. I would have rolled up the window but it'* hard to pretend you have electric windows with the passenger window. I can do it very good with my window. People can't even tell that I don't have electric windows. The open window let all the noises this car made. It sounded like real ****. The car was shaking left and right while the engine sounded like it was going to stall at any moment! I was sure I'd win if we'd race. So I revved and revved until my "V-tech" light came on (I wired the V-tech light to turn on instead of "Check Engine" (much cooler that way).

The guy turned off his engine and got out of his car and ask me if I heard a loud bee? I was WTF bro? You smoking **** dude? I asked him if he wanted to race. The guy agreed and got back into his ugly car and started up the engine.

When the light finally turned green, I got tunnel vision and floored it. All I saw was my monster tach and the road ahead of me. When I got a couple of miles away from where the race started, I pulled back and looked behind me to see how far back the car was?

To my demise the guy was at a general store a little further UP the street. He had enough time to beat me in the race and get a pack of smokes before I could even catch up? I investigated his car once I arrived to the store a couple of minutes later. I was looking for two big bottles of NOS. The guy told me his car was blown. I pretended to understand because I've never heard that before on Fast and the Furious.

Well that was bad luck. Luckily I made him understand that my car has better HP per liter. Again he started to laugh at himself. I’m starting to like the V8 owners since they seem so open minded and capable of laughing about themselves.

I finally made it school and parked with my buddies. They have cool cars with ground effects and fake hood scoops. I told them about my drive to school that morning, which enticed them to watch Fast and the Furious again to see if they mention the term “blown”.

We had a great day at school.

I had my car towed back home because I forgot to turn off my powerful stereo system after lunch. I couldn’t just boost my car because I took off the alternator thing that just sucked up power from my engine. I went to bed and dreamed about how cool the next day would be.
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Old 10-17-2002, 05:37 PM   #2
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Is that from personal experience? You shouldn't laugh at yourself when you try to explain your blown car to ricers

I thought that was FUNNY. You should keep them comming.
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Old 10-17-2002, 05:41 PM   #3
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OMFG! That was so damn funny I almost (and stress almost as in not) crying! The sad thing is I know there are people out there who think and act just like this guy!
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Old 10-17-2002, 05:45 PM   #4
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Spanx... and no... it'* not my life story... I'll never admit to it.. ha ha ha....
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Old 10-17-2002, 05:58 PM   #5
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Drifter, If you notice my last post, I was referring to you as the owner of the blown V8. I know better than to think you would be a ricer. Ricers don't take happy hippy pills.
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Old 10-17-2002, 06:01 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drifter420
Spanx... and no... it'* not my life story... I'll never admit to it.. ha ha ha....
That'* the recuring dream you keep having isn't it. Yeah it is, or is it from all those happy hippie pills your taking????

You ever gonna share those things or what?
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Old 10-17-2002, 06:02 PM   #7
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oh.. ok... me bad... use to have a Nova with 450 big block.. hee hee... rumble rumble rumble.....

Actually... ricers buys most of my hippie pills for 2 reasons...
1. They get the trails so they think they're going fast when they're not

2. When they realized we ( Bonnevilles ) just handed them their *** and made them look like Barney the purple dinosaur with his pants down and a tele tubby up his butt.. they need the hippie pills to be in denial that their car is CRAP !!!!

ha ha ha
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Old 10-17-2002, 06:11 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drifter420
Nova with 450 big block.

2. When they realized we ( Bonnevilles ) just handed them their *** and made them look like Barney the purple dinosaur with his pants down and a tele tubby up his butt.. they need the hippie pills to be in denial that their car is CRAP !!!!
A Nova with a 450??? Where did you find a 450? Is that a canadian engine that GM built? I'm familiar with the 454, 396, 409, 427 for chevy. Or was it a built something or the other? I'm very interested in this.

As far as Barney and teletubbies...Don't make me laugh so hard when I'm at work not working!!! I don't want to attract too much attention here!

I think I'm out of here for the day! See you all tomorrow!
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Old 10-17-2002, 06:14 PM   #9
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You know drifter that Somewhere, Ontario isn't that far from Nowhere, Ontario. Wouldn't be hard to get some of those happy Hippy pills sent over here, then again I can probably find some Happy Hippy pills PLUS around here ( new and improved) LOL
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Old 10-18-2002, 12:43 AM   #10
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I just pissed my pants, Thats exactly how ricers think, I know this kid that thinks exatly liek that... man what propells ppl to think this nonsense.. its total BS, lololol oh well its funny.
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