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Old 01-13-2006, 10:59 AM   #1
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Default I finally the found it!!

The women are gonna hate me for this, But I finally found their point system!!!

Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You leave the toilet seat up (-5)

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it is empty (0)

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)

You go out to buy her Spring Fresh Extra Light Panty Liners with Wings (+5)

..you return with beer (-5)

You check out suspicious noise at night (0)

..and it is nothing (0)

....and it is something (+5)

....you pummel it with a six iron (+10)

......it is her father (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy (-2)

..named Tiffany (-4)

....Tiffany is a dancer (-6)

....Tiffany has implants (-

When mingling, you hold your mate'* hand and gaze at her lovingly (+1)

When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain" and pat her on the rump (-5)

When your mate points toward a good looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say "yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you" (+1)

..you say "yeah, but she is lousy in bed." (-6)

....that woman is her sister (-90)

You have one drink and that'* it (0)

You have more than a few drink and perform the tango with a poodle (-2)

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted (-1


SATURDAY AFTERNOON
You go to the mall together (+3)

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car (+4)

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar (-2)

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it (+3)

You spend the day shopping for furniture and nap on a sectional (0)

You spend the day at a wholesale club buying in bulk (+3)

..most of it chips and beer (-6)

You tackle a large house hold project, such as painting the den (+15)

..or refinishing the floors (+16)

..or rewiring the basement (+17)

..or adding a second floor (+1

....or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket (-6)

......and you are tickled pink about it (-15)

You visit her parents (0)

You visit her parent and actually make conversation (+3)

You visit her parent and stare vacantly at the TV (-3)

..and the TV is off (-6)

You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear (-6)

..and you didn't even go to college (-10)

....and it is not your underwear (-15)


HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it is not a sports bar (+1)

..okay, it is a sports bar (-2)

....and it'* "all you can eat" night (-3)

....and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

You go to a nice pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player, and get up and sing (+4)

..if you stink (+2)

..if you are not half bad (+5)

..if you sing a Barry Manilow song and are escorted out to much applause (-2)

You give her a gift (0)

..it is a small appliance (-10)

..it is not a small appliance (+1)

..it is not chocolate (+2)

..it is something you will be paying off for months (+30)

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day (-10)

..with her credit card (-30)

..and it is two sizes too big (-40)


THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget her birthday completely (-120)

You forget your anniversary (-30)

You forget to pick her up at the bus station (-45)

..which is in Newark, New Jersey (-50)

..and the pouring rain completely dissolves her leg cast (-60)


NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go out with a pal (-5)

..and the pal is happily married (-4)

....and the pal is frighteningly single (-7)

......and he drives a mustang (-10)

.........with a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-15)

You have a few beers (-9)

..and miss curfew by an hour (-12)

....and you didn't call (-20)

You get home at 3 am (-30)

..smelling of booze and cheap cigars (-40)

....and not wearing any pants (-50)

......is that a tattoo?! (-200)


HER NIGHT OUT
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friends from work (+5)

She goes out with her annoying friends from work and she comes home late (+10)

..you wait up (+15)

She comes home late and drunk and you put her to bed (+20)


A NIGHT OUT TOGETHER
You take her to a movie (+2)

..a movie she likes (+4)

..a movie you hate (+6)

....a movie you like (-6)

......called "Deathcop 3" (-3)

........which features cyborgs having sex (-9)

...........you lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


A NIGHT AT HOME
You watch TV together (0)

You rent a movie (+2)

..it is "Sense and Sensibility" (+3)

..you stay awake throughout (+5)

....you fall asleep (-1)

......you fall asleep and drool (-2)


FLOWERS
You buy her flowers only when it is expected (0)

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the heck of it (+20)

You give her wildflowers you have actually picked yourself (+30)

..and she contracts Lyme disease (-25)


YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

..and exercise to get rid ofit (+10)

....and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-5)


FINANCES
You spend a lot of money on something impractical (-5)

..something she could not use (-10)

....such as a motorized model airplane (-20)

......and she got a small appliance for her birthday (-40)


DRIVING
You lost the directions on a trip (-4)

..and end up getting lost (-10)

....in a bad part of town (-15)

......and meet the locals up-close and personal (-25)

.........and you know them (-60)


THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look Fat?" (-5) (sensitive questions always start with a deficit)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)


COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

When she want to talk about a problem, you listen for over 30 minutes (+5)

..without looking at the TV (+10)

....she realized this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:07 AM   #2
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Very very true...
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:09 AM   #3
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You BOTH have a negative 2,000,165,000 demerits......OFF with their heads!
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:11 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
You BOTH have a negative 2,000,165,000 demerits......OFF with their heads!
Bah....go help Melissa off the horse at walmart before she gets trampled will ya :P
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:13 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
You BOTH have a negative 2,000,165,000 demerits......OFF with their heads!
Bah....go help Melissa off the horse at walmart before she gets trampled will ya :P
You can't ban me. I've already been banned by willwren but I got back into his good graces

PS- Melissa is gonna hurt you when she see'* that one.
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:17 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
You BOTH have a negative 2,000,165,000 demerits......OFF with their heads!
Bah....go help Melissa off the horse at walmart before she gets trampled will ya :P
You can't ban me. I've already been banned by willwren but I got back into his good graces

PS- Melissa is gonna hurt you when she see'* that one.
Being banned is sooo overrated,...
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Old 01-13-2006, 12:51 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillBoost37
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
You BOTH have a negative 2,000,165,000 demerits......OFF with their heads!
Bah....go help Melissa off the horse at walmart before she gets trampled will ya :P
You can't ban me. I've already been banned by willwren but I got back into his good graces

PS- Melissa is gonna hurt you when she see'* that one.
Being banned is sooo overrated,...
Really?? You seem to forget that one of the moderators is a female.........

I would run and hide before Melissa gets a hold of you!!!!!
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Old 01-13-2006, 01:24 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by PontiacMom
I would run and hide before Melissa gets a hold of you!!!!!
Bah...she'* slow

(No..it'* not an oppression comment!)
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