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Old 10-12-2006, 12:50 AM   #1
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Default Funny stuff

YOU MAY BE A REDNECK IF:

You think the play the King and I is about Elvis.

You have ever put catsup on Chinese food.

You ever listed Fuzzy Dice on an insurance claim.

Your most expensive work of art is held up with thumbtacks.

You've ever worn Camouflage pants to Church.

Your local funeral home is also a U-Haul franchise.

__________________________________________________ ___________________

TIPS FOR YOUR BOSSES:

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it'* really a "rush job" run in and interupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it'* going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I like being a psychic.

6. Do you best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it'* nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
__________________________________________________ ___________________

There was a man who said, " I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
************************************************** *********
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter; Mother: "What does the cow say?"
child: "Moooo"
Mother: "Great, What does the cat say?"
child: "Meow"
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
child: "Bud."
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Old 10-12-2006, 12:55 AM   #2
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11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it'* nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.


Had a husband wife manager team at a place I worked at years ago, come tax time, they made it a point, both of them, to complain to me that thier taxes cost more than my yearly salary...sure made me want to break a sweat to do a good job...
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Old 10-12-2006, 12:55 AM   #3
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Quote:
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
child: "Bud."
Only 1 out of every 3 frogs says that
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Old 10-12-2006, 01:00 AM   #4
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weis.....
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Old 10-12-2006, 01:15 AM   #5
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...er!!!
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Old 10-12-2006, 08:57 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
I was born to be whipped.
Thanks for the new siggy, Tracy!
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Old 10-12-2006, 11:49 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lash
Quote:
Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
I was born to be whipped.
Thanks for the new siggy, Tracy!
Yes, I saw that in another thread and couldn't think of where you would have gotten it and then I remembered this thread. There is only one problem with that thought- I am definately not a masochist, I am (kind of) more of a sadist (hence the whip )
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