THE CAT HAS MY BALLS - GM Forum - Buick, Cadillac, Chev, Olds, GMC & Pontiac chat


Lounge For casual talk about things unrelated to General Motors. In other words, off-topic stuff. And anything else that does not fit Section Description.

Reply
 
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-19-2003, 07:55 PM   #1
Senior Member
Posts like a Turbo
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Riegelwood, NC
Posts: 400
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
BadTA00 is on a distinguished road
Default THE CAT HAS MY BALLS

THE CAT HAS MY BALLS
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife'* wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter- patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What'* the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known.
BadTA00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 01:32 AM   #2
Senior Member
Certified Car Nut
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Robbinsdale, MN
Posts: 15,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
MOS95B is on a distinguished road
Default

MOS95B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 11:00 AM   #3
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 0
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
2000SilverBullet is on a distinguished road
Default

That'* gotta hurt.

Good thing you don't live in China. In poorer regions they don't have toilets so the people do their thing in troughs dug in open fields. Domesticated pigs and other animals roam everywhere. There was an epidemic of cases of male children having their jewels biten off by pigs who often feed out of the same troughs. There is now a need for doctors who specialize in ***** extensions.............saw it on the Discovery Channel.

....man, I feel your pain.
2000SilverBullet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2003, 11:25 AM   #4
Senior Member
True Car Nut
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Edmonton, AB Canada
Posts: 2,621
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
DeathRat is on a distinguished road
Default

Well to think a little that was caused by a could cause so much pain. OUCH! Is all I can say.....
DeathRat is offline   Reply With Quote
 
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The difference between "guts" and "balls" sse1990 Lounge 8 08-31-2006 11:31 PM
HOLY BALLS!!!!1 beckstyle Your Other Rides: Pics & Videos 14 08-16-2006 12:12 AM
Just a guy playing with his balls... MOS95B Your Other Rides: Pics & Videos 11 05-09-2005 04:42 AM
These Bonnies have some balls? smoosh 1992-1999 12 03-06-2005 08:31 PM


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:20 PM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.