***Sexual Activity Calorie Guide***( pg-13)
03-28-2006, 06:21 PM
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***Sexual Activity Calorie Guide***( pg-13)
***Sexual Activity Calorie Guide***
It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the calorie content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results are in:
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent..........................2187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.........................3315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary......................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real..........................................112 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........................................... .......18
Calories
Getting up immediately....................................... .......36
Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years...................................124 Calories
50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
70 and over..............................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories
***Results may vary***
It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the calorie content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results are in:
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent..........................2187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.........................3315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary......................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real..........................................112 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........................................... .......18
Calories
Getting up immediately....................................... .......36
Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years...................................124 Calories
50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
70 and over..............................Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories
***Results may vary***
03-28-2006, 10:02 PM
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Originally Posted by gxp rules
Too funny 
where'* the calorie count for rolling over....and having a cigarette?
where'* the calorie count for rolling over....and having a cigarette? If she is hellboundly obese, it depends on how many times you have to roll over
Cigarette? Just a few...
03-28-2006, 11:18 PM
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....you took a perfectly funny post and ended it with a bad visual....that'* just not right
03-29-2006, 03:45 AM
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grabbing the TV remote has got to use a lot of calorie'*, I never get to watch anything after I grab it!
*No smoking in the house* Yeah try going outside to smoke afterwards-I've learned to take my house keys with me!
*No smoking in the house* Yeah try going outside to smoke afterwards-I've learned to take my house keys with me!
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