to me it sounds like a exhaust manifold leak, if you could record the sound with vid of the engine and where the sound is strong or weak, seems that would help

It just so happens I'm getting a cheap video capable camera tomorrow, so I'll see if I can get the strong and weak. I know, phones have video, but I don't have that. This camera has no contract, not even a monthly charge.

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"As for the oil, it'* only had non-synthetic for the 15k 5 changes I've owned it. This last change was 590 miles ago."

You go 15K miles on oil changes, using non synthetic?

I don't blame you for the confusion, I phrased this wrong. What I meant was the 5 changes in 15k miles.

OK, vid done, can't up it here so here: https://vimeo.com/109938807
This was this morning, first start of the day, maybe 50 out. The ticking sounds to me more pronounced over by the belt. The driver side is more of a mix of sounds.

Good lord. That'* not a sticky lifter or an exhaust leak. If it really sounds like the video in real life, I would not drive that car. You should get it looked at by a qualified mechanic.

not an exhaust leak, take the belt off and listen, if it doesnt go away its something internal like upper end like they were saying.

X2^ Ya I hope when you remove the belt and start it, that is is quiet.
If it does become quiet, you have to work your way around & find out whats loose/rattling!
Maybe a bearing on the tensioner pulley?
That really does sound like a sewing machine!

OK guys, thanks, I'll take it in for work. All that noise isn't audible from inside the car with the hood closed - only the ticking you can distinctly hear on the belt side. The belt side is also where there'* no fence or garage door to echo back, just air for 20 yards. My sense is that the camera mic exaggerated a lot of the noise.

OK, I just came back from Meineke. They showed me (under the car, flashlight) that all the noise was from a plastic shroud next to the lower belt pulley impinging over maybe an eighth of an inch and bumping against the pulley. If you push it away the noise stops. But why is it bumping? Then they showed me the pulley is wobbling a bit, not much but just enough. Hence, "you need a new pulley". At that point he had to call for a parts price and figure out labor. I had to leave so he'll call with a total cost. "Idler" pulley? I dunno, is that the bottom one?

If he wants to go with a dealer part... hmm, well there are several on A-zon for anywhere from $11 to $20, Dorman, ACDelco, Gates, Dayco. Does it matter? Is there a 'just fine' for an 11 year old car?