Wow! This really has gotten bad.

I know you can't move the car, but is there any possible way to get a scanner on it? Do you know anyone with a good scanner? Maybe even just a code reader? How about a mobile mechanic?

EDIT: The ways for electrical things to turn on when they are supposed to be off are:

- when there is a shorting/arcing across wires placing power to where it doesn't belong
- when moisture creates a new path for the current to travel
- when switches are broken and are letting current travel to the wrong place
- (similar to above) a computer tells things to switch when it shouldn't

Have you checked the battery cables for proper contact and for breaks/worn areas?

Edit #2: I take too long to post while at work...

Gald you found your problem.