Originally Posted by GonneVille
The only thing I can think of to add is that it could be an opportunity for you and your old flame to get a little closure on what seems to have been a traumatic point in her life.
But it has to be closure. A long talk on the phone, ending with "have a nice life".
I agree with Brian...What has made this difficult for you is that you and she ended because of logistics...not for the usual reasons. But what you may not realize is that neither of you are the same person. You are remembering the way things were...even if you weren't married, things would never, ever be the same as it was back then because you have both changed.
And don't hide it from your wife....chances are she knows about Tanya anyhow. And trust me, living in the shadow of an old flame is hard. I did it for 7 years. My ex had a very similar situation with the exception that there was a terminated pregnancy involved. He pined over that woman for 7 years until she came back into his life. He met her, he realized that things were not the same, and he was able to finally move on mentally.
I had a similar situation too. My first true love ended up being my mailman! I was literally barefoot and pregnant when he showed up on my doorstep. He wanted to go for lunch. My husband didn't go for that. We left well enough alone. When I got divorced, I looked him up...but he was engaged. We never did have that final talk...but we didn't need it.
What you are feeling is normal...how you handle it, will make all the difference in the world.