This is weird. I was parking on a hill, so I pulled my handbrake before putting it in park, but nothing happened. The brake and brake light work -- I can keep the brake engaged if I prop up the handle -- but the handle never "catches."

My guess is that something in the handle broke. Any ideas from the Cobalt/G5 crowd?

there is normally teeth on the bottom part and some sort of catch that moves with the button. sounds like the catch is stuck up, see if there is anything you can wd40 to get that going again

I tore out the rear cupholders and verified that the handle is actually pulling on both of the brake cables. I put it in drive, and pulling the e-brake still stops the car.

Confirmed, Justin; it must be some sort of catch or gear in the handle assembly.