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Old 11-10-2006, 01:36 PM   #1
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Default Vermont Department of Tourism

The Vermont Department Of Tourism

Vermont seems to be on everyone'* vacation wish list.
This list of rules will be handed to each person entering the state.
(Note: Vehicles from New Jersey, New York City and Connecticut will receive two copies.)

1. That slope shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.

2. It'* called a "dirt road." No matter how slowly you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW.
I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when w e were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked, by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time!

7. No, there'* no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Order a two-pound lobster and steamers.
Or, you can order the Chef'* Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar skidders to pull logs out of the woods.

11. Let'* get t his straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it'* red, and we may even stop when it'* yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat lobster, scallops, clams and haddock too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it'* available at the bait shop.

14. There are pigs and there are cows. That'* what they smell like. Get used to it.
Don't like it? I- 91 & 89 go two ways... Get on the Southbound Lane!

15. "Opening day" refers to the first days of fishin' and deer season'.
They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So what if every person in every pickup waves? It'* called being friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

18. Chowder is supposed to be white. Don't even think of asking for red chowder until you are somewhere safely south of Bennington.

Welcome to Vermont. The Way Life Should Be.
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Old 11-10-2006, 01:52 PM   #2
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I've seen similar (and some of the lines were identical), but I still think that'* funny raht thar!!!

My favorite (which could be modified) -

How to Get Your Butt Kicked in The South

1 - Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It'* just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your Butt.

2 - Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc. - These people have all been known to kick Butt.

3 - Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it'* called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it'* Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it'* still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an Butt kicking.

4 - We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner -. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your Butt.

5 - We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape -. Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes -. We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your Butt.

6 - Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your Butt.

7 - We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your Butt.

8 - Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your Butt.

9 - Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your Butt kicked.

10 - Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hell holes like Detroit, Chicago, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your Butt home before it gets kicked.

11 - Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that'* all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your Butt.

12 - Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your Butt all the way back into Boston Harbor.

13 - Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am," hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your Butt just like they did ours.

14 - So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us live in the countryside? That'* because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your Butt.

15 - Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to barbecue. This will get your Butt shot off (right after it is kicked -. You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Question our sacred BBQ, and you go home in a pine box - minus your Butt.

Y'all have a nice day!
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Old 11-10-2006, 02:17 PM   #3
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Now thet there'* sum funny stuff...ayup!!!
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Old 11-10-2006, 03:04 PM   #4
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I still call it pop or soda I got into an argument with a boyfriend over this also! It was too funny and he got so upset because I told him "I don't want a coke I want a Dr. Pepper" He said I was to have said "I'd like a coke" and they'd say "what kind" to which I would then tell them my preference. To me that is just a waste of my time. Geesh!
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Old 11-10-2006, 03:08 PM   #5
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This is oh-so true, being that I go to Vermont every Thanksgiving to visit my Aunt. They're VERY pushy up there, and my mom HATES it up there for that reason alone. I myself like it very much. I think they're very nice if you're not a snob.
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