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Old 07-08-2003, 06:25 PM   #1
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I had a good laugh at this, good ol nonsense for a Tuesday afternoon

Reasons why the English language
is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
1 After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let'* face it - English is a crazy language:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither rom Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth
beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? No. Two moose. One index, wo indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy re opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling
it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at
all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

And, finally, why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick
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Old 07-08-2003, 06:43 PM   #2
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Yeah, American English is pretty messed up.
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Old 07-09-2003, 02:52 AM   #3
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Default Re: Usless Filler Material

Quote:
Originally Posted by 89BonnieSE89
I had a good laugh at this, good ol nonsense for a Tuesday afternoon

Reasons why the English language
is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
1 After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let'* face it - English is a crazy language:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither rom Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth
beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? No. Two moose. One index, wo indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy re opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling
it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at
all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

And, finally, why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick
okay, you officially frighten me...you remind me waaaaaay too much of my husband! I've seen a few of your writing manurisms and aspects of your humor which reminded me of him, but this is the exact same thing he read me not a week ago! Are you his evil/good twin or something? His Canadian lost sibling? Too wierd... ...not that it'* bad (after all, I married him! :P )...just wierd.
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Old 07-09-2003, 11:44 AM   #4
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Not evil tho...hahahahaha
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