All of you guys know i'm deaf correct?

I love jokes right?

I want to ask the masters of finding useless information to find me some hilarious deaf jokes. Don't be afraid to post it. I know that they're jokes period so that'* why I don't find them very offensive.

Could you find them?

Three people are on a train: one Russian, one Cuban, and one Deaf person. The Russian is drinking from a bottle of vodka. She drinks about half the bottle, then throws it out the window. The Deaf person looks at her surprised. "Why did you throw out a bottle that was half full?" The Russian replies, "Oh, in my country we have plenty of vodka." Meanwhile, the Cuban, who is smoking a rich aromatic cigar, abruptly tosses it out the window. The Deaf person is surprised again and asks, "Why did you throw out a half-smoked cigar?" The Cuban replies, "Oh, in my country we have plenty of cigars." The Deaf person nods with interest. A little while later a hearing person walks down the aisle. The Deaf person grabs the hearing person and throws him out the window. The Russian and the Cuban look up in amazement. The Deaf person shrugs, "In my country we have plenty of hearing people!"

Deaf lady in trouble one day a lady was driving on the Highway.
She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit.
However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights.
She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"

So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."

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There'* this deaf couple who recently got married and headed out for their honeymoon. They stayed at this hotel during their honeymoon. While in their room, they had hours of fun. Later during the evening, the husband realized that he had left something in the car so he decided to go to the car to get it. He left the room, headed downstairs, and then headed for his car. After getting what he left in the car, he headed back to his room. Suddenly, he realized that he didn't remember which room he lived in. After a few moments, he headed back outside to his car and did one thing that came to mind. He began honking his horn loudly for a few moments. Suddenly, all the lights on the hotel went on as people were waking up from the sound of the horn. However, one light did not go on. "Bingo!" the man thought, "That'* my room!"

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There was this deaf man who was driving home from work. As he arrived to his neighborhood, he noticed that people were waving at him as he drove by. All the way through his neighborhood, every single person was waving at him. When he finally got home, he got out of the car to see his wife standing at the door waiting for him. "Honey, you're not gonna believe this! Everyone is really friendly today! They waved at me the whole time I drove through the neighborhood!" said the deaf man. The wife replied, 'No, your horn'* stuck."

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One day, a guy came to the forest and wanted to start chopping down the tree, he'* been chopping for a while....then he started yelling timber, but the tree wouldn't fall, it would stay there....and he yelled timber, once again...still wouldn't fall. So he said hmmm, oh I got a idea...and went to school and learn some sign language, and went back and tap on the tree'* bark, and signed "T I M B E R" and finally the tree fell to the ground, it was a deaf tree.

WHAT!!!

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

'Honey,' she signs, 'Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.'

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, 'Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my ***** one time.'

'If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my *****..........fifty times'

LMAO! Those are awesome! I love them!

".....it was a deaf tree." Oh lord help me...

Hey...did you hear the joke about the deaf guy that walked into the bar?....Niether did he