Time for a joke break
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From: Right in front of you
Time for a joke break
Okay, I would like everyone to post a joke.
Here'* mine...
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice *****," says the man, "now, where do you want these blinds?"
Here'* mine...
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice *****," says the man, "now, where do you want these blinds?"
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From: Purgatory
Good one 
heres mine :P
Hole in One
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
heres mine :P
Hole in One
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
good one, haha brings back memories 
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From: New Jersey - Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted
A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner.
And the bum says, “Mister, do you have a dollar you could spare me?”
The man thinks about the question for a bit and asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to by liquor?”
“No,” says the bum.
The man then asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”
Again the bum says, “No.”
So the man says to the bum. “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
And the bum says, “Mister, do you have a dollar you could spare me?”
The man thinks about the question for a bit and asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to by liquor?”
“No,” says the bum.
The man then asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”
Again the bum says, “No.”
So the man says to the bum. “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
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From: Right in front of you
Originally Posted by PontiacDad
Good one
heres mine :P
Hole in One
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
heres mine :P
Hole in One
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
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From: New Jersey - Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted
First Time
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl'* parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl'* parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl'* parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl'* parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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From: Farmington Hills, Michigan
It'* Christmas time and the teacher knows that her students always bring her a gift for the holidays.
The first student walks up and the teacher knows his daddy owns a candy store. She opens the gift and it'* a box of candy!
The next student walks up to the teacher, and the teacher knows her daddy owns a perfumr store. She opens the gift and it'* perfume!
The third student walks up to the teacher, and the teacherkn ows his daddy owns a liquor store. She feels the bag and it has a wet spot. She puts her finger in her mouth and tastes it -- "Is it brandy" "No," the little boy says. "Is it cognac?" "No", the little boy responds. THe teacher asks, "THen what is it?" The boy says, "A puppy."
The first student walks up and the teacher knows his daddy owns a candy store. She opens the gift and it'* a box of candy!
The next student walks up to the teacher, and the teacher knows her daddy owns a perfumr store. She opens the gift and it'* perfume!
The third student walks up to the teacher, and the teacherkn ows his daddy owns a liquor store. She feels the bag and it has a wet spot. She puts her finger in her mouth and tastes it -- "Is it brandy" "No," the little boy says. "Is it cognac?" "No", the little boy responds. THe teacher asks, "THen what is it?" The boy says, "A puppy."