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Old 03-30-2006, 02:39 PM   #1
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Default Things That Don't Exist

There are many things that people can sit around a debate the veracity of: the loch ness monster, bigfoot, possibility of time travel, aliens, etc. All of those are things that nobody really knows, so it can make for a lively debate. Especially if you have been abusing substances.

The following are some things that empirically do not exist. They aren't open to debate.

Men who don't want to have sex with Salma Hayek: If you are a male and you don't want to biblically know Salma...you are probably gay. Did I say probably? I mean definitely. I honestly believe that if a heterosexual man were to appear on this planet and truly not desire to have sexual relations with the raw hotness that is Salma Hayek...at that exact moment the fabric of space and time would rip and the universe would fold in on itself.

Women who never lie: There is no such beast. Her weight? Total BS. How much she spent shopping? A fat load. How she never thinks about other men in a sexual way? Not one true word in her statement. Not one. You have a far better shot of being sexually molested by a marauding gang of yetis and unicorns than you do of finding a woman who will never ever lie. It'* just not going to happen.

A good Billy Zane movie: It sure as hell isn't Posse. Nor it is Titanic. The more bad cinema I see this guy do, the more I feel sorry for him. I don't dislike him...but I'm starting to think his agent does.

A rabid Star Trek fan who has had sex with an attractive woman...without paying for it: Seriously. Tell me I'm wrong here.

A good reason to make another Jurassic Park movie: Nope. There is none. The first one had its moments. The second...um...sucked. The third might not have been all that bad...if I could get my brain past the fact that there appears to keep being more islands filled with dinosaurs. How many damn islands have they pulled this on? It'* getting ridiculous.

A highly dedicated vegan who doesn't **** me off: Nope. Never met one. I don't think they exist.

Movies with a "message" that don't suck: If I wanted to learn, I would have gone to college. Stop preaching and start blowing some stuff up. That'* what I paid $8 for.
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Old 03-30-2006, 02:50 PM   #2
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Default Re: Things That Don't Exist

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Women who never lie: There is no such beast. Her weight? Total BS. How much she spent shopping? A fat load. How she never thinks about other men in a sexual way? Not one true word in her statement. Not one. You have a far better shot of being sexually molested by a marauding gang of yetis and unicorns than you do of finding a woman who will never ever lie. It'* just not going to happen.
We don't lie we fudge the truth a tad. It is only because the majority of men are so overly critical of every little thing. If we shop, we shop for bargains and we even buy our men surprises. Everyone likes nice surprises, right?
Why tell you our exact weight, we don't ask you the exact measurement or girth or your manhood. Don't tell me none of you men ever exaggerated a smidge!! You let us know if you are not pleased just by the look in your eyes. We don't even have to ask nor a word has to be said. We know. Besides that- it is rude for a man to ask a woman her age or weight.

Judge not lest ye be judged.
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Old 03-30-2006, 02:51 PM   #3
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Didn't take you long to get here, Tracy!!
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Old 03-30-2006, 02:52 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MOS95B
Didn't take you long to get here, Tracy!!
You know it! I am the voice of reason and besides there aren't any other women here right this moment to get the record straight.
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:29 PM   #5
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Funny, funny stuff...as usual.
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Old 03-30-2006, 04:52 PM   #6
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Quote:
If we shop, we shop for bargains
Translation? 4 Pairs of shoes rather than 2 pairs of shoes. LOL
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Old 03-30-2006, 05:06 PM   #7
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that is great... had to send it to a few friends...
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Old 03-30-2006, 05:09 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BLACK94SSEi
Quote:
If we shop, we shop for bargains
Translation? 4 Pairs of shoes rather than 2 pairs of shoes. LOL
It isn't shoes for me. For me it is purses. I love leather purses. I have quite the collection and consider them an investment. If I get low on cash I list a couple on Ebay. I once made over $600 in one month by selling 4 or 5 of them to help pay some bills off. Just don't ask how many I have.
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Old 03-30-2006, 09:39 PM   #9
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Default Re: Things That Don't Exist

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Originally Posted by SSE14U24ME
[We don't lie we fudge the truth a tad.
See!! There you went and proved the second example.
Fudge the truth. Yeah, sure, and I dont want to bone Salma Hayek. :P
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Old 03-30-2006, 10:32 PM   #10
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A rabid Star Trek fan who has had sex with an attractive woman...without paying for it: Seriously. Tell me I'm wrong here

Hate to break it to ya
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