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Old 08-04-2007, 12:58 PM   #1
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Default Southerness

Not sure if this is a RP but,here goes

For those of you who are not of the South, this should help you understand our Southern members...

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who'* got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor'* trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .. and when we're "in line," .... we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do no t like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could. "
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Old 08-04-2007, 01:43 PM   #2
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Those are good!!

And along a similar theme (and I know this is a repost)....

How to Get Your *** Kicked in The South:

1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It'* just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ***.

2) Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ***.

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it'* called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it'* Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it'* still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an *** kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ***.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ***.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ***.

7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ***.

Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ***.

9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your *** kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hell holes like Detroit, Chicago, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your *** home before it gets kicked.

11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that'* all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ***.

12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your *** all the way back into Boston Harbor.

13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am," hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your *** just like they did ours.

14) So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us live in the countryside? That'* because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ***.

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to barbecue. This will get your *** shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Question our sacred BBQ, and you go home in a pine box - minus your ***...
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Old 08-04-2007, 05:16 PM   #3
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Any soda wasn't coke when I lived in the south, but then again, we were in civilization..
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Old 08-04-2007, 09:00 PM   #4
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I just have to note that the first two replies to a "Southernness" thread........are both from Minnesotans
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Old 08-04-2007, 09:15 PM   #5
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I grew up in Texas, though. Just moved here after the Army...
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Old 08-04-2007, 09:22 PM   #6
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#5 in the A$$kicked needs to include bush and bush jr.
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Old 08-04-2007, 09:58 PM   #7
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Being from the far reaches of Alabama...this all makes perfect sense to me.
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Old 08-05-2007, 01:18 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BonneMeMN
Any soda wasn't coke when I lived in the south, but then again, we were in civilization..
Walk into a Huddle House and order a Coke, see if they don't ask "what kind". lmao, been there done that. My uncle from South Dakota orders a "pop". Reply: "a what?"
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Old 08-05-2007, 01:20 AM   #9
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Grew up in florida.

Everything was ordered by brand everywhere i've been in the south... And i've been everywhere..

Now it'* Soda in MN eh? (it'* pop damnit)

EDIT: [soapbox] it'* DUCK DUCK GOOSE contrary to what my fellow minnesotans might believe...[/soapbox]
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Old 08-05-2007, 02:03 AM   #10
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thats right funny there
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