An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radioed in. "Disregard," he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake.

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it'* Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let'* have a beer."

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?"
she asked. "To get my teeth!"


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife'* voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there'* a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "it'* not just one car. It'* hundreds of them!"

That was Me, Will, and JustinD