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Old 01-12-2007, 11:33 AM   #1
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Default Red Skelton

SKELTON'* RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen .

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"
.... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What'* on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
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Old 01-12-2007, 11:39 AM   #2
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i dont know who that is, but its still funny
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Old 01-12-2007, 11:57 AM   #3
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I wouldn't try too many of those on Liz...
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Old 01-12-2007, 12:08 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toastedoats
i dont know who that is, but its still funny
Mike, I think he just called you old
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Old 01-12-2007, 12:18 PM   #5
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Yeah, you're right Jim. I think he did.

Red Skelton was a comedian and clown from the early days of television. He died in 1997. For those with interest:

http://www.redskelton.com/
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Old 01-12-2007, 08:17 PM   #6
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RIP RED!
A truley classic comedian!
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Old 01-12-2007, 08:22 PM   #7
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Default Re: Red Skelton

Quote:
Originally Posted by lash
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

aint that the truth
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