Red Skelton
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From: Central Florida
Red Skelton
SKELTON'* RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen .
5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"
.... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What'* on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen .
5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"
.... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What'* on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
Thread Starter
Senior Member
True Car Nut
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,030
Likes: 2
From: Central Florida
Yeah, you're right Jim. I think he did.
Red Skelton was a comedian and clown from the early days of television. He died in 1997. For those with interest:
http://www.redskelton.com/
Red Skelton was a comedian and clown from the early days of television. He died in 1997. For those with interest:
http://www.redskelton.com/
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