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Old 01-09-2008, 02:12 AM   #1
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oh my god. nancy and i are planning a joint wedding with us and her cousin (and her cousin'* fiancee). thats complicated enough, with four families to please. but for cost efficiency, you cant beat it.
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the kicker? me and the other groom are american (as in: we like pizza, beer, burgers, and dr pepper) the brides? chinese (as in: they like seafood, chinese food, and have a lot of customs im not familiar with)
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were having the wedding in houston over my objections (because the other groom'* family lives here, mine lives in oklahoma). thats still better than having it in taiwan, which is where the asian half of the guests are coming from. now the other brides parents are getting involved. right now, theyre insisting on 10 people per table and a 2 night stay for all of 100 families -- out of our already streamlined budget. i told nancy to just up the budget and tell HER mom that the cost went up 5k dollars for room and board and let the moms hash it out..
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were still a ways out. i fully plan to arrange a proper visit to the place were looking very closely at booking, with both parents, and showing how 10 people cannot fit at these tables. if they still insist, i will apologise to my family and grin and bear it. after all, im not footing the bill. i enjoy chinese food and seafood, but my family does not. that wont be a problem for the reception, but for the rehearsal dinner, it will be. oh, and since the rehearsal dinner will be shared with everyone who travelled to attend the wedding (again, over my objections. that means our rehearsal dinner will be shared with 75 of our closest relatives, what a joke), and it will be planned by the other brides parents, we will be eating seafood. my family will hate it, all the more because the asian half will be eating LOBSTER and theyll be eating "something else" (read: the cheapest thing on the menu).

now theyre talking about seating placements. im losing my mind.


thing to remember: this day isnt about me. its about the women and their parents. at the end of the day, all i have to do is remember my lines, dont trip, and help her out the door. oh, and make 15 table centerpieces and ~125 party favors.


im not bitter. im just annoyed right now.
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Old 01-09-2008, 02:17 AM   #2
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oh, and since the asian half of the family will be coming at least a day early, its our responsibility to provide entertainment too.

i suggest: group bowling for everyone. not "we pay for", but "this is what were doing, show up if you want. if you dont show up, heres some things around houston to do for fun, good restaurants, and a map of houston with important places highlighted"

good suggestion, i think. everyone can enjoy bowling or time out with the family. and if they cant, everyone enjoys eating.

(and now the other bride'* parent'* want to cop for rental cars for every asian branch of the family tree)
(oh, and they want to invite 300 people under the assumption that less than 1/3 of their people invited will show . . . but theres no way to know for sure until their invited and rsvp -- which makes it very hard to budget. any suggestions for that one?)
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Old 01-09-2008, 08:01 AM   #3
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for my wedding i was told that 10% to 15% of those invited won't show. thats the the cordinator at the hall tells me anyhow.

You've got guts man, Its hard enough to deal with one bride and one set of inlaws. There is no way you'd get me into a joint deal like that, even with all the $$$ saved. try not to let the stress get to you though. In the end you're still going to be married no mater how the day goes.
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Old 01-09-2008, 08:40 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darrel
for my wedding i was told that 10% to 15% of those invited won't show. thats the the cordinator at the hall tells me anyhow.
Plan on closer to 20% for the no-show rate. That would include those who RSVP as not being able to make it AND those who say they will come, but don't.

20% is the general rule of thumb I've always gone by.
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Old 01-09-2008, 09:59 AM   #5
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thats what we're hoping for anyhow, 20% no-show...

but 66% no-show?!?!? i dunno about that one
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Old 01-09-2008, 10:20 AM   #6
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Well, I wish you the best. And I also am watching this closely, mostly for the simple fact that I am dating a vietnamese girl right now, and things seem to be headed in that direction. I also understand the differences in food tastes, just based on spending time with them and the family. Hopefully things will work out on that end. Maybe you can have both your mother and her mother work together on the menu. No responsibility for you, and you get good input from both sides.

As for the different customs and such, in my experience, I've learned that you just have to grin and bear it sometimes with them. If it is something that you face daily, you can learn to "work the system" for your fiance and your benefit. My girlfriend'* family is very patriarchal and so things are often swung towards her brother. Fair, not really, but that'* a traditional family structure.

All in all, the first thing I would say before doing anything is consult your missus. You don't want to be making any suggestions or statements that might also upset her. Like you said, the day is for her and her parents (mostly). If she thinks the idea can fly, then go about suggesting it.

Also, if the family is very patriarchal, try discussing suggestions with the father in a manner that he starts to think they are his/mutual ideas, and also that it might save some money. Her father should like the saving part (especially if they are the ones who immigrated here, as they tend to value money a lot more than those born here) and then he can be the one making the suggestions to his wife. This is kinda what I was suggesting by "working the system" where you keep everyone happy and the idea still gets passed around.

Anyways, Congrats on getting married soon, good luck with the wedding planning, and best wishes for everyone.
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Old 01-09-2008, 11:16 AM   #7
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Congrats...I think.

Just think, in twenty years when you look back at this, they will still be horrible memories but at least you can laugh at them. You gave me the shudders remembering what I went thru with alot less family to deal with.
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