A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I
haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."


"What do you mean?", said the pirate, "I feel fine."


Bartender, "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."


Pirate, "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon
ball, but I'm fine now."


Bartender, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to
your hand?"


Pirate, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into
a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine,
really."


Bartender "What about that eye patch?"


Pirate, "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew
over. I looked up and one of them **** in my eye."


"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you could lose an eye
just from bird ****?"


Pirate, "It was my first day with the hook."

Let'* just hope he didn't have to scratch his

Talk about tearin' you a new one...

14U - Sweeeeet sig pic!