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Old 12-27-2009, 03:48 PM   #1
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Default Oaths of Enlistment

Oaths of Enlistment

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT,

I (state your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United
States, even though I believe myself to be above that. I promise
to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the Military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training"
I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting,
civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger. I will believe I
am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife
before stabbing the next person in the back. I will do no work unless
someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never being promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So Help Me God!
Signature ____________________ Date_____________
***********************

US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the AirForce, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I
promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and
return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home
after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300
to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no
training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!
Signature____________________ Date_____________
************************
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for **** Waffen SS during the
winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hrs every morning unless
I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
Signature____________________ Date_____________
************************
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear....uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....ugh...Air
Force women....OORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!
Thumb Print and X_____________________Date _________________
Witness Signature_____________________ Date_________________
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Old 12-27-2009, 05:14 PM   #2
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Where'* the one for the Coast Guard?
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Old 12-27-2009, 05:21 PM   #3
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I would think they would fall in the Navy category. ??
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