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Old 09-24-2010, 05:37 PM   #1
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Default Longer jokes truly are better...

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right ******* number!' And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn'* correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, 'You're an *******!' And hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an *******!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic '*******' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled, 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That'* because you're an *******!' And hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW *******, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in Fairfax. It'* a yellow ranch style house and the car'* parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What'* your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When'* a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're an *******!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two ******** to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called ******* #1.

He said, 'Hello'

I said, 'You're an *******!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah!'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me'

I said, 'Make me.'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, '*******, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******,' and hung up.

Then I called ******* #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, *******,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ***'

I answered, 'Well, *******, here'* your chance. I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two ******** beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.
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Old 09-24-2010, 05:39 PM   #2
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LMAO!!! That is great!
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:19 PM   #3
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Got my
haha.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:30 PM   #4
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You're right. That was worth the read.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:35 PM   #5
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That'* going on my facebook notes.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:37 PM   #6
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Hey Robert!,... Whats your number Bud???
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:39 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GXP Venom View Post
Hey Robert!,... Whats your number Bud???
Hey! You still owe me a phone call!
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:46 PM   #8
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The only reason is hasn't happened is I can't seem to find a 30 minute time frame to actually talk to you. Between the Car, Bike, Boat, Logging (Which I do for fun), and continously checking off items from my HoneyDo list...........Getting ready to go play with the kids at Church. Anybody slants that into a Quote gets Banned. But if your looking for a quick *******!!!!! I could (chuckle) manage it.
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:11 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GXP Venom View Post
The only reason is hasn't happened is I can't seem to find a 30 minute time frame to actually talk to you. Between the Car, Bike, Boat, Logging (Which I do for fun), and continously checking off items from my HoneyDo list...........Getting ready to go play with the kids at Church. Anybody slants that into a Quote gets Banned. But if your looking for a quick *******!!!!! I could (chuckle) manage it.
Its all good, I play with the high school kids at church too, every Sunday night as a group leader. They call me Andre 3000, lol!
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:20 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GXP Venom View Post
Hey Robert!,... Whats your number Bud???
911

ask for die großen Käse, IF they put you through, that'* my private line!
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